Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: The Great Hall of TMI – Must be 18 to enter!

  • What Tammy Found

    Where we left off: At one point Tammy, the blond painter’s assistant, found me and asked, “Did you grow up in this house?” “Yes, since I was 11.” “I found a couple of things pushed in the back of the closet shelves.” Well, some of you know my Dad was a Porn Hoarder. I hinted…

  • The Cheese Stands Alone

  • Spunky Labia Gets Desperate

    Do you think Spunky Labia International Porn Star did not notice she has fallen entirely OFF the list of Lijit searches on the right sidebar? Spunky was once the Queen of the Lijit Searches. Then BNL crept to the front, and now it seems Steven Page has overtaken BNL, and in the tussle Spunky dwindled…

  • Don’t Do This to Your Vagina at Home

    @Polyester_Angel re-tweeted* a fine article : The 6 Weirdest Things Women Do to Their Vaginas. I saw the headline and started making my own list. 1) Hammer tampons up there right after puberty 2) Put carrots up there right after puberty 3) Lose tampons up there (everyone’s got a story) 4) Put Hershey’s kisses up…

  • And Now On a Very Special Mystery Diagnosis

    I love Mystery Diagnosis. When they had a woman on with MS, I did not guess it at all. The teratoma episode: I could watch that over and over. If you’ve never seen it, this is the formula: Setup: You meet the patient. Patient experiences symptoms.Commercial Recap of everything before the commercial. You can be…

  • Anheuser-Busch*

    MS can tweak your senses. Some people have visual hallucinations, some people have hyperacusis, and if you asked me today I’d say I have hypomanic smelling. I smelled stuff all DAY. There was a wheaty smell all through the office, for example. I plunked down in Marcia’s cube and thought “Ah, Marcia had tuna fish…

  • The Monthly Visitation from Aunt Flo Who Stays Out On the Porch and No Longer Goes Inside

    I took my crotch to the crotch doctor for the monthly swelling and bleeding of the alternating labia. When I apologized for bothering him with a matter obviously not life-or-death, he mentioned Cancer. (CANCER SHOUTOUT NUMBER ONE.) He peered at me and saw the problem. He drew a picture of my vulva and said, “You…

  • The Sentient Labia

    (Damn. That’s what I should have called this blog.) I’ve always known my hair can hear when I make a haircut appointment. My hairs unite and bid for a last minute reprieve. “We were just getting it together, man. Look at us, how full and shiny. You can’t cut us now.” I’ll cut you, man.…

  • I Learned Something Today

    When Sarah, the woman on the sticker from your Lush bottle of Sonic Death Monkey Body Wash says: “Best Before 21/Apr/08” …she means it. Expired Sonic Death Monkey reeks. I tried the Monkey today because I had fond memories of its Tootsie Roll odor, and I needed a smell self-esteem boost today. A few weeks…

  • I Ache In The Places Where I Used To Play. Still.

    I was self-diagnosing on the internet when I came across the graphic below. Does this graphic look right to you? Uh, it seems to me it is not drawn to scale. Or else it is accurate and Gary is really well endowed and has stretched me entirely out of shape. Because my parts are not…