Anheuser-Busch*


MS can tweak your senses. Some people have visual hallucinations, some people have hyperacusis, and if you asked me today I’d say I have hypomanic smelling.

I smelled stuff all DAY. There was a wheaty smell all through the office, for example. I plunked down in Marcia’s cube and thought “Ah, Marcia had tuna fish again for lunch. But wait – she had leftovers from the Chinese we got yesterday.”

Then on the drive home I went round the corner on Hwy 94 and smelled my grandfather’s garage. Old rubber tires. Not burning rubber, old dusty decayed rubber tires filled with stale water. Then, within ten minutes I walked into my house and, in my kitchen, smelled Granceil’s basement – musty and damp.

Then I took off my pants and realized this vag cream doesn’t smell like cereal. Unless your cereal is named “Old Rubber Toasty Tires (Now with more Mildewed Tuna Fish Crunch)”

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* At the first BNL concert I saw (in Saint Louis), they tried to tell a joke that went along the lines of:

Q: Anheuser-Busch?
A: Fine. And how’s your penis?

Or, alternatively,

Q: Anheuser-Busch?
A: Better, but this cream doesn’t smell like cereal.


13 responses to “Anheuser-Busch*”

  1. This made me laugh. How funny.
    I have a hyper sensitive nose and I can feel your pain. Yesterday I was cleaning the bedroom where I brooded the chickens and the dog sleeps. OMG, it was so bad I had to cover my nose with a tea towel ala cowboy style. You know it’s bad when early morning coffee breath is better than dog bed smell. Urgh
    You are so damn funny. I am glad things are getting better.

  2. Oh yes, that is funny! But the question is, did anyone you encountered twitch their noses and look puzzled? Because if not, you’re home free.

  3. I could immediately smell old tires when you described them. That’s skill!
    Glad to hear that Busch is better, even if it does smell bad. There’s an Anheuser Busch factory right near Newark airport. I associate the flying-eagle sign with going to pick up relatives.

  4. Perhaps you don’t want to know that extremely heightened sense of smell is a symptom of pregnancy.

  5. Angie – no, but others have, and they mention the loss is significant. But, there was a pretty significant change when he was all thin and uh … “happy.”We’re going to see them in the fall.Surprising Woman – was it the anal gland dog smell? Because Mac’s is weaponized. He’ll spray the vet like a skunk.Big Dot – No, and Marcia claims I don’t smell. Gary has a sensitive nose and says he cant smell it either. Of course, they both avoid my crotch area.Tami – is yours a neon eagle that “flaps” its wings at night? Pretty cool.Caroline – I could be pregnant with a tumorbaby, one of those tumors with hair and teeth. I read about them when I read about grade 2 tumors (If they press on your ovaries, you swell and bleed monthly.)

  6. This appears to be the appropriate place to make a Busch/overuse of nose joke, but it’s just not coming to me.

  7. Hot Mom – not at all, that I recall. Are you all drunk right now? Sounds like a waste of time for a GNO.Mershy – nope, but since the Yeast Infection From hell cleared up I no longer have the sweeling on the right side of my jaw either. A Yeast / Thrush association?Caroline – God, where are all the bad jokes? What about a cocktail of Coke and Busch? I heard a good Coke joke. Whats the difference between Clarence Thomas’ Coke and Justin Beiber? Clarence Thomas’ Coke has pubic hair on it.

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