Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: Miscellaneous Mockery

  • Hmm. A Little Barista Sarcasm

    Hmm. A Little Barista Sarcasm

    Saturday. The first visit to Starbucks: “Hi, may I take – Oh, hi, Gary and Ellen.” Second visit, the drive-through says, not hello, but, “You guys are here AGAIN?” Third visit, they start putting multiple exclamation points on your coffee. You know how multiple exclamation points BUG me. Why? What is next? Extra-capitalization? Super-boldface? However,…

  • Divorce

    A friend got divorced this week. Her need for sympathy is far surpassed by her need for irony, so she is going to have a divorce party. I’m thinking I need to make a mix CD for this occasion. Are there any other good songs to divorce by? NO weepy “Breaking Up Is Hard To…

  • Succinct Emmy Wrap-Up

    So, I watched the Emmys on TiVo. Just not the same. Surprisingly, Gary did not pause on any boobage, as he has with the Academy Awards. Glad: I was glad to see The Girl in the Cafe won three awards. That is a fabulous, meaningful movie. Especially if you wait until the credits. They did…

  • Baked Applebee’s

    Baked Applebee’s

    Friday night Gary and I decided (at the unGodly hour of 9 pm) to go out to dinner and, of course, Starbucks. We got to the Saint Louis Bread Company (aka Panera) and found it closed at 9. (Because who eats at 9 on a Friday?) We decided to tool across the street to the…

  • So we need something new, I guess

    The HELL? No more Pluto? He always did seem out-of-place and out-of-scale. Plus, as Chuck at work explained, there’s no point in telling Pluto he’s dissed because by the time the news gets out there we’ll all be dead anyway. So, last time this happened they had to change the mnemonic from “Mary’s Violet Eyes…

  • I Love You 5.333333

    The niece had her boyfriend say, “I love you” just before he left for an extended vacation in Egypt. She stumbled through some inadequate reply. We all know there is only one correct response to “I love you,” and she didn’t give it. This isn’t the first time she’s been in this spot, but it…

  • Gary’s Theory

    Here is Gary’s theory: John Mark Karr: expatriateLee Harvey Oswald: expatriate John Mark Karr: three part nameLee Harvey Oswald: three part name John Mark Karr: high pantsed weaselLee Harvey Oswald: high pantsed weasel Gary’s theory is that FOX, CNN et al have noticed this parallel and that’s why they’ve been following the plane flight from…

  • Hoverers

    In the bathroom stall next to me I heard a mother admonishing her child, “Don’t touch that. Stop! Don’t touch anything. No!” She sounded as panicky, as if the fixtures were going to brand her child’s bottom. I thought “That child is going to grow up to be a hoverer.” You know, one of those…

  • Too Late

    Aha – I finally discovered the cranny of Typepad where comment listing is hidden. Too late, of course, to document that my blog was commented on by God

  • Nuns! Nuns! Nuns!

    First: a geography lesson. Let’s start you in East Saint Louis, Illinois. You are standing on the bank of the Mississippi River and looking West. You are looking at the Arch. You are in great danger because you are in East Saint Louis. (Well you are.) Go west. Swim west, that is. Hurry! Swim faster!…