Category: In Which We Set Ourselves Up for Mockery

I distributed my dead brother Dave’s cremated remains this past weekend. Half of his ashes went to the cemetery, where I spread a thin layer over the family plot, like I did with Mom. The other half joined the rest of Mom and Dad’s ashes in my back garden. I dug a hole in the…

Every woman without children needs an arsenal of reasons to defend that decision. People with children want to know “why not,” especially the ones who never asked themselves “why.” I have plenty of reasons, but now that my brother Dave’s gone I realize I have more. He required a lot of emotional care, and of…

I have had plenty of opportunities to call the University of New Mexico medical center and go through the steps I have to take before Dave’s Surprise Cancer Doctor will talk to me. I haven’t done a thing, except for listen to people tell me stories of how people they knew, too, either “bravely” hid…

I remember being seven. I was asked if I liked ketchup. I thought, “Does Dave like ketchup? He does.” I answered, “I don’t like ketchup.” It was obvious Dave made my parents unhappy, so it was best to be as little like him as possible. It was a shame, and I can’t think how anyone…

I relocated a few of Dave’s things to Saint Louis. There was Jerry’s final draft (which I am still reading), several old Mad magazines, and then two other things. Mom’s Whale Mugs. Mom, as you may remember, had limited use of her arms because of the polio. One arm had a good elbow but a…

Now that Dave is gone, I keep coming across things I no longer have to hold on to, and I’ve been getting rid of them. A list of movies David insisted I must watch. Dave and I differed on what made a good movie. For years he insisted Veronica Guerin was the Best Movie Ever…

So, now I have honored Dave’s wishes and distributed some of Dave’s ashes to his friends. (I assume his AA sponsor really did this at the remembrance ceremony they held for Dave.) I kept the rest in my luggage and flew it home. (To be honest, first I sprinkled some in the backyard of his…

A few days after Dave died I woke up in his bedroom and noticed the window. “Well that’s cute,” I thought. “There’s a little window seat there. I’ve always wanted a house with a window seat,” I sighed. Then I realized: I’m Dave’s only relative, so technically, I do have a house with a window…

One nice thing about Dave’s death was that I got to reconnect with Dave’s last real girlfriend. He’s “passionate,” as one of his friends said. I think I’ve hinted at David’s ugliest side. If he gets close enough to a woman, he spits on her and slaps her, and feels that isn’t abuse because he…

Dave’s house has a Ring doorbell. I never want to hear the noise that a Ring doorbell makes when someone is at your front door. I could do without the Amazon Alexa Bark routine. If Alexa hears a bark she plays peaceful music to calm your dog. Dave’s dogs would start barking when they heard…