Category: In Which We Set Ourselves Up for Mockery

One nice thing about Dave’s death was that I got to reconnect with Dave’s last real girlfriend. He’s “passionate,” as one of his friends said. I think I’ve hinted at David’s ugliest side. If he gets close enough to a woman, he spits on her and slaps her, and feels that isn’t abuse because he…

Dave’s house has a Ring doorbell. I never want to hear the noise that a Ring doorbell makes when someone is at your front door. I could do without the Amazon Alexa Bark routine. If Alexa hears a bark she plays peaceful music to calm your dog. Dave’s dogs would start barking when they heard…

I have never set off a metal detector at an airport before, but this time I rang all the bells and merited the TSA touch. It was the wig, of course. Well not the wig, but the pins and clips trussing up my real hair. Well, the clips and the Apple watch. I haven’t flown…

When mom died I took a year to clear out the house. She had stocked up on noodles and soup and I ate many meals lifted from Mom’s larder. Getting rid of all her open food, personal effects, furniture wasn’t difficult because I had an all the tine I wanted to do it. I had…

Three years ago Dave gave me a list of people to call if he died during his bile duct surgery. That list included our mutual cousin Mark, Jerry’s brother’s son. I left Mark for last, naturally, given that I’d have to introduce myself as a long-lost cousin. That happened, and it immediately led us down…

So, I was grateful I had gotten the Evusheld right before this trip, and especially grateful half of Albuquerque wore their masks. The Covid numbers were fine the week I set off for ABQ, and only began to trend up the week I left. Most of Dave’s friends knew I was at risk, offered to…

The cancer mystery will be solved after I call the hospital and tell them I am next of kin and had a say in his medical care. He’s had this Cancer nurse’s name in his files for at least three years, ever since he had that cancer scare that turned out to be nothing three…

I say this again: Don’t start hospice on a weekend. Hospice is all about the drugs, and you can’t get the drugs. At least not at the CVS at the corner of 528 and Southern in Rio Rancho (an ABQ suburb). So, hospice meds are divided between maintenance meds, comfort meds and end-of-life meds. Usually…

This is how time is calculated in Albuquerque. After I question this, in each instance, I hear that they all live in “The Land of Mañana,” in which things will always happen tomorrow. So I pose the question to the next Hispanic person I see, the police officer taking the drugs from me on Pharmaceutical…

The night Dave died was awful, but not the worst. That was the next day. The next day his bigger dog, the blue heeler, slipped his lead, jumped the fence, and ran away. I started off calling the dog, then screaming for the dog, then asking the neighbors, then falling on the floor asking the…