I remember being seven. I was asked if I liked ketchup. I thought, “Does Dave like ketchup? He does.”
I answered, “I don’t like ketchup.”
It was obvious Dave made my parents unhappy, so it was best to be as little like him as possible. It was a shame, and I can’t think how anyone could have done better: parents, Dave, they just weren’t compatible.
So, Don’t Be Dave was my personal rule, and now that Dave … isn’t, it seems to me I’m free to be Dave.
Ways I have recently been Dave:
- Finished half a big bottle of Peach Schnapps in a week.
- Spent money maniacally.
- Ignored key tasks.
- Complained about my lot.
- Was emotional.
- Considered skipping my medicine.
- Ate with abandon.
If I had called customer support and demanded to speak to a manager, until I got not only a manager but a discount, then I would have hit every Dave character point.
Still, I wasn’t entirely possessed by Dave from the Great Beyond: the real estate taxes only sat on my desk a day before I paid them.