Category: In Which We Mock Ourselves

The time: 2:00 a.m. The place: kitchen table I am awakened by the sound of Gary cursing. Get up, creep in the dark to the kitchen, where I discover Gary has knocked a dime off the table and does not see where it rolled. He is cursing and searching the floor. “I got this,” I…

It occurs to me that I have won the family tontine, in that I have outlived every single relative, and now I have all their stuff. (I haven’t done this deliberately. People just die young in my family. Jerry at 48, Dad at 52, Dave at 62, Mom at 71.) I sold Mom’s house in…

Twenty years ago, in 2004, I was working at Elliot and escorting my niece to trail rides and Cradle of Filth concerts. I bought a new red Mini Cooper and discovered BNL. It feels like yesterday. I suppose that twenty years from now, today will feel like just yesterday too. I hope so, anyway. But…

Remember earlier this year, when I was so pleased with my new hands-off approach to health insurance? I just pointed out some anomalies to the people being paid and let them get to work on it. One anomaly was that Gary was charged $5,000 for a procedure or drug that I could not identify. I…

I seriously, truly, just made a new document called “Outline.doc” because I am back to square one. Well, not really all the way back. It just became evident that tension was not building, it was starting and stalling and stopping and starting again. I made the outline to rearrange the first six chapters so her…

So I’ve been been ignoring this novel for, what, a year? I decided it would be easier if I worked off my latest printout to make revisions. I completely forgot that sometime recently I decided to gut the first half. I went to make a revision in chapter three of the on-line copy and found…

I was feeling a little sad. My current wig is quite flattering, but essentially it is a big pile of nylon lies. I thought, “I suppose if I want to be honest all I can do is have a hair transplant.” I surveyed my body for hairs and discovered, to my surprise, I have only…

I have been off work all week, and if things go well the next few days, I will have done all twenty tasks I set out for myself. Tasks included calling strangers and prodding lawyers and other things that require more heart than I usually have on a work day. I still have two days…

I have one item on my bucket list. See the northern lights. When I heard about the solar storm I immediately set an alarm for 11 pm, as that was the expected time. Then I settled in and finished watching The Durrels in Corfu. Damn Masterpiece Theater for sucking me in. I didn’t check Facebook…