Category: In Which We Mock Our Illness

There are two things I didn’t mention about my recent neurologist visit. First, he told me there is some upstart new MS drug that is very similar to my current drug, but with fewer side effects. Namely: if you find yourself with an urgent need for a fully-functioning immune system, you’d be better off with…

I was sitting in the balcony at Powell Hall, listening to the Messiah last Christmas, when I asked Anne, “Do you feel that? Is this entire row of seats vibrating like the balcony’s about to collapse?” “Not that I’ve noticed,” she said, calmly. At intermission I walked about and was able to report that either…

This is a public service announcement. If you have an expensive drug, a high insurance deductible, a mail order specialty pharmacy, a very nice Co-pay assistance program, and a health savings account, know one thing. This is the order of billing: 1. First billed: Your husband’s HSA card, because it is on auto-pay. 2. Then…

When I was diagnosed twenty years ago someone, probably my neurologist, drew a pie chart that showed that when diagnosed, 10% of people with MS have the mild kind, 40% have the relapsing-remitting kind, and half have the progressive kind. I was in the 40%. “Cool,” I thought. Already, I was winning. Then, he divided…

At the start of this month, on Groundhog Day, this miracle happened: My Fitbit said I slept over seven and a half hours WITHOUT WAKING UP TO PEE. I don’t know how I did it, though. I ate and drank normally. It was truly miraculous. Since then I have not had more than two hours…

Years ago I got a back massage, and the masseuse was disappointed to find only one knot. I understand that knots are permanently flexed muscle. The only other massage I had was when I had to go get my vagina massaged at physical therapy because it was just all jacked up. Well, it would seem…

Miraculous News: I got my scheduled MRI and the doctor messaged me later that day, “Great news! Your MRI is unchanged.” Great news? I say miraculous. Vein News: While getting the MRI, I found out that my right elbow vein is “scarred” from too many punctures. Like a heroin addict! So flamboyant! Drug News: Miraculous…

Well, there is some good that came out of the bladder infection that arose after the last post. First, Gary no longer feels that his dirty, dirty organ is causing the bladder infections, given that a fresh-from-the-box silicone toy cocked everything up this time. He’s now blaming my dirty, dirty bladder, and even says the…

Mental Health. Remarkably, I’m now a convert to mindfulness and meditation. The last time I went on a walk I noticed that I was dwelling on the negative (losing Gary) and re-directed my thoughts to where I would live if I lost Gary (a warehouse loft that would look empty until I pushed a button…

I’m sick. Thankfully, this sickness isn’t in my chest, or my digestion. I think the day I took the photo it was in my nose. Maybe a little in my eyes. It’s now full-blown conjunctivitis and it’s in my ears, too. My left ear is filled with sounds of the ocean, like I have a…