I have been the healthiest member of my family for a long time. Mom of course started off post-polio. Dave’s asthma started early and his learning and mental difficulties hit at puberty. Dad started his three forays into cancer in his early forties. I am familiar with the caregiver role.
Gary is not familiar with the role of sick person. He’s just a bundle of pride and pity. I was going to bring the microwave in from the car ala the Mom Method: keep the 50 lb box in the trunk where the store put it, dismantle it in situ, carve it down to the 33 lb microwave itself and cary that in, and, separately, the various accessories.
Gary argued about how stupid that plan was, angrily staggered out to the trunk and returned, panting, with the 50lb box on his shoulder. He wouldn’t allow me to break down the outer or inner boxes, citing my physical and mental weakness. Then he complained that he was too weak to do it, and that was also my fault.
I won’t go through the rest of the conflict, but generally he was too sick to carry anything, and yet at the same time insisting he had to do everything, and also I was too stupid and weak to help. It was like watching a lame lion tell all the other lions that only he could take down the antelope, because they were all too dumb and weak.
I can see why old men turn into grumpy old men. I don’t want to be around for it. I also need to find a way to tranquilize my lame lion, or do things behind his back to save his pride.
2 responses to “Sickness Saga Continues”
Uuuuuuuugh. The Mom Method is, yes, slower, but *IT WORKS* and sigh. (does he *need* to save all boxes for some reason?)
May good tranquilization methods be found soon. I assume he is too emotionally wimpy to be willing to tackle therapy?
KC – the closest he’s been to therapy was marriage counseling and it was clear that was agony to him. I can make adaptations myself, that’s about all I can do. Did leave the room today when he got snappish, and told him why.