Last week I got a package from Amazon. I was walking toward the door, when I heard her repeatedly ring the doorbell. DING DING DINGDINGDING.
“Yeesh, fine,” I said, as I opened the door.
“Are you okay?” the Amazon driver said, as she put up her hands as if to protect herself.
“Yes. Yes I am. Why?”
She answered, “Because there’s a pool — ”
“—OF BLOOD ON THE SIDEWALK” I screamed. “I KNOW!”
(Below: tennis ball -sized pool of blood.)
“It’s so big!” she cried. “Why is there blood on your sidewalk?”
Good question, nice Amazon driver. I can’t tell you. We shrugged, hugged, and said Merry Christmas.