I learned three things in the last month. Paltry, I know.
1. Diva Cups
At the MenoParty we discussed all the things our ancestors did to contain the monthly curse. Everyone’s grandma used actual rags, everyone’s Mom upgraded to the sanitary belt; ours was mostly a tampon / pad generation. Then Julie, the youngest person there, said she used a Diva Cup and it was the best thirty dollars she ever spent. No doubt it’s because I have no kids, but I never heard of a Diva Cup. Amazing. It’s a cup that collects the issue and one removes it once a day. “Once a day” doesn’t excite me. To my shame I flirted with Toxic Shock, which became a syndrome only after I established my habit of using a super-large tampon and removing it once a day.
No, the Diva Cup appeal is that it has lines you can use to measure your output. Science Girl would have loved this.
2. Curry
Gary has become so sufficiently bored that he got a recipe book in order to make some food on his own. His mom lent him the classic Dinner 1-2-3, in which “1” is always “open a can of Campbell’s soup.” None were challenging enough for him. He ended up choosing a recipe from our collection, Poultry Curry. I haven’t made it for years, because I don’t like curry. Guess what? I love curry when Gary makes it. Delicious. The curry taste made the onion and chicken flavors pop. Somehow I’ve become confused about curry. Isn’t that Indian? Isn’t Indian food, especially curry, spicy? I know Tandoori makes me ill, maybe that’s what turned me against Indian food.
3, Porcupines
Gary’s new vocation is to find me amusing videos on YouTube. Evidently the porcupine is very vocal when it eats. Or you poke its nose. LISTEN TO THIS PORCUPINE. It’s tweaking my hormones.
The most vocal of all porcupines is Teddy bear. He has a whole channel, but there’s also an ad. Teddy is often asked to dress in humiliating seasonal costumes, but he’s a total corn whore so he does it.
You know we need a porcupine. Would a porcupine consume a Cone of Curried Corn? You know it would.
4 responses to “Periods, Poultry Curry, and Porcupines”
Queen: Whenever I become nostalgic for the dear old days of yore, all I have to think about is what my mother told me about how, in her convent school, each girl was issued 12 rags to get her through her period. The rags were washed and used again. That was a job of the nuns, who would put them in a large pot and stir them about and rinse them and hang them out to dry.
Simply delightful.
I think that pessary thing is a good idea. I would use my diaphragm that way sometimes.
Hattie – okay, the trick with the diaphragm is genius. I wonder if every diaphragm wearer did that?
When I was traveling a lot for business, I used the diaphragm to prevent accidents on planes. It wasn’t any good for the purpose for which it was designed because it pressed against the front so tightly I couldn’t piddle the whole time it was in.
I had no idea porcupines made noises like that. There should be a porcupine show.