Was I Lonely?

I’ve been trying to work this blog into my new routine. I have often considered blogging after my nightly 3:30 bathroom visit. I’m always sharp then.

I just feel wrong walking away from Gary when he’s here. (Everyone put on your best tortured southern voice and wail “BUT AH LUV HIM.”)

But now, Gary is finding ways to not be here. Last night he stayed up till four thirty in the morning, watching movies because he can and he’s a man and no one is the boss of him, literally.

I was astonished to see him awake this afternoon when I got home. He’s asleep right now at 8:45, as he should be.

He’s been snoring since seven, and I have been all alone. And that’s when I realized why I haven’t been blogging as much: I’m not as lonely. I never thought of myself as having been lonely until tonight. It makes sense.

I certainly didn’t feel lonely. I felt pissed that he wasn’t there, and that took up all the lonely space. And, you all were there. And now he’s here and I need to fit everyone in. (Vaseline.) I need to reclaim some time for myself.

I know his parents have a very structured retirement. They nap at a certain time. They snack, read the paper, play the trumpet, watch tv, all at certain set hour-long intervals. Gary has specifically rebelled against this.

He does spend forty-five minutes every day in the bathroom, but usually that happens when I’m at work. When we first started this I insisted he stop watching tv when I came in, and instead ask me about my day. He doesn’t seem inclined to do that anymore, but as soon as a commercial starts or he’s done with an article, he comes in trolling for attention. And you know, the second I don’t attend to him I’ll hear him threaten to go back to work.

And now, he’s awake. Let’s see how I do. I explain that I am happy in here typing and he can occupy himself for a while.

He answered, “It’s good that you have time to yourself. TADA! Present to you!” and he left the room.

Ooo. Now he’s in the bathroom. I’m going to work on future posts.