Christmas Gift for Gary

Long ago, a few years after Gary bought the Fit, he saw the steering wheel showed some wear. He called our Honda dealership and they said that particular steering wheel, the one that came with the red trim package, was custom, and if he wanted a new one he’d need to buy a whole new steering wheel.

This year he hinted he’d like a new steering wheel for Christmas. And I know, everyone just said, “just buy him a steering wheel cover,” but as I explained to the guy at the only Honda dealership in Saint Louis that answered their damn phone, I want the best for him because he always gets the best for other people.

So. I ordered a new steering wheel that day. That evening I realized I forgot to specify the special red and black steering wheel. When I next had occasion to look at the steering wheel, I noticed it was carefully sewn around the edges to look exactly as if a red and black steering wheel cover had been applied.

Either he had a fancy trompe l’oiel steering wheel or the “custom steering wheel” was custom bullshit.

Damnit. I called the nice Honda man back. He confirmed there are no custom red and black steering wheels, happily cancelled the order for the 500.00 dollar steering wheel, then he even researched the name of the person who originally applied the wheel covers for our original Homda dealership AND gave him my name AND he would be contacting me soon AND thanks for doing business with Frontenac Honda.

Guy never called, of course, because this has been a month of people refusing to do business with me. Missouri Baptist won’t schedule my MRI. Amazon won’t ship my gifts. Lenova was perplexed I wanted to ship a laptop to my brother in New Mexico, that can’t be right, cancel the order.

I eventually ordered my own wheel cover and I intend to stitch it on MYSELF the Wednesday after Christmas, but I wanted Gary to have something. Instead, I got his car detailed. In preparation I ripped apart the old wheel cover myself so I could throw it at his head to punctuate my tale of humiliation.