I read an article on Cracked last week that I enjoyed immensely. I’m not the only one: it has become one of the week’s trending posts.
I recommend you read the whole article here, but you could also read the outline below. The outline doesn’t have the excellent Cracked writing style or the videos of the best scene in Glengarry Glen Ross. Or the tremendous cursing. I’ve deliberately made it dispassionate so you’ll be motivated to follow the link. It is called:
Six Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person
(And it is haaaarrrrrrrsh. Trigger warning for harshness.)
Thesis: It doesn’t matter who you are, it’s what you do.
#6 The World Only Cares What it Can Get From You
This sets up the premise that the World needs help, and if you aren’t there to do something helpful; the World doesn’t care if you’re a nice guy or not.
#5. The Hippies Were Wrong
Containing the Glengarry Glen Ross “COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS” scene, this section posits that “You are not your job” is a false premise. You are what you do for others, and that’s usually your job.
#4. What You Produce Does Not Have to Make Money, But It Does Have to Help People
For the men: women expect you to be nice. What else do you bring to the table? (Specifically, can you play the guitar?)
#3. You Hate Yourself Because You Don’t Do Anything
This contains a video even I found distasteful. (Bye! NOW you’re clicking that link up there!) However, the premise here is that one must DO something, even if it is flapping ones junk while wearing a cape distasteful.
#2. What You Are Inside Only Matters Because of What You Do
It matters who you are inside, but only because it makes you do good works. The writer quotes Jesus a few paragraphs after “What [does] the collective power of ‘good thoughts’ provide? Jack fucking shit.”
#1. Everything Inside You Will Fight Improvement
… in which the writer checks off every rationalization his premise makes you feel.
As I say, follow the link for the good stuff. And yes, I get the irony that by leeching off his article I’m not doing anything myself.
7 responses to “Just a Link, Really”
What? No comments?
I’ve retired from being useful. Now I just occasionally make a man very happy, babysit for Daughter so she can go be useful, and contribute to causes like Doctors WO Borders.
Oh, and I’ve sent that second video to selected people to deaden their day.
I read the full article last week. I found it extremely repetitive, although the overall point is good.
~~Silk – I turned off that video when the second man walked up to the stage and began manipulating the singers testicles. I was done. I assume there aren’t any more surprises.
Caroline – There a slight nuances, but yes, it is pretty reptitive. (I think the writer’s response to that would be “SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT INSTEAD YOU DIRTY WHORES.”)
I kept imagining the most loser person I know reading it. I imagined her saying that the point isn’t worth being that mean, and it’s not OK to talk to people like that – ever. It’s not OK. Then I imagined her mother backing her up. Did I mention that she’s 45? After that I felt way better about my life, because I could name 3 useful things that I do. I can’t even name 5, but 3 is more than the Queen of Loserville. I should learn to do something new next year.
As a nurse I have a lot of useful skills, but I am not sure that I get to count those skills individually or just get to tick off one thing for my list.
I know a bit more than average about Henry VIII, but I am not sure how useful that really is.
I used to speak French fairly well. Not sure how useful that actually is, and the skill has seriously declined of late.
Compared to my grandparents who knew how to do all manner of things I am so useless I should just jump off the planet.
Containing the Glengarry Glen Ross “COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS” scene, this section posits that “You are not your job” is a false premise. You are what you do for others, and that’s usually your job.
I AM NURSE TOO. THERE IS NO WAY AROUND THE FACT THAT MY DNA IS ALL ABOUT HELPING OTHERS, BEING OF SERVICE TO OTHERS. I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ELSE. I TRIED. I WAS FIRED FROM OTHER JOBS. BEST TO ACCEPT MY FAte.
Tami – I didn’t even try to count. I got to one or two then I stopped.
Zayrina – I count every person you’ve ever helped as a point in your favor. I think the article was targeted at slacker male kids without a job at all.
Mrs Hall – See the comment directly above.