Recently, Gary was complaining about how he will be laid off in a matter of days (he won’t) and he’ll never get another job (he needn’t), and eventually he trudged off in moderate to high dudgeon.
I thought of supportive things to say, and my train of thought went: 1. He really gets a lot of self-esteem from his job, 2. If he didn’t have his job he’d feel like a failure, 3. He needs me to be supportive.
So I came out and said, “Hon. even if you’re a failure I’ll always love you.”
“I know what you’re trying to do, but that extra little jab of ‘FAILURE’ there was not what I needed.”
I told him some hours later that he was a very successful husband. But still, the damage had been done.
What is going to happen to this man when he retires? How do you keep a retired man’s self-esteem stable when he doesn’t have daily victories and acclaim?
13 responses to “Failure Faux Pas”
Oh, I think Gary should be a contractor. They get to work three or six months and the job is done. He doesn’t have to work all year. And it will get him out from under your feet. Start whispering things about the glories of being a contractor to him.
Consulting.
Take him to work with you. I am sure he would willingly offer you his insights regarding your work. You can reward him with cookies.
His ego is his problem.
Anyway, consulting works for my husband. He’s 70.
Train him to become an internet troll. It must be very rewarding, as so very many people do it.
Becs – I like him under my feet, I just don’t like him in the living room watching Dance Moms.Amy in StL – That seems to be the opinion. I’d like that, but he’d probably do it all day and every day.Zayrina- Oh, no. He would immediately tell me I am doing it ALL wrong. Hattie – That does sound good. Especially if he could come in as the last resort and save the day. Wyo – Well, if anyone would read what he would write. (He’s a bit lengthy.)
Queen: You are so astute. That is exactly what my husband does.
I’ve noticed that my dad also defines himself by his job. He’s retired now, because I *made* him stop working, and he hates it.
I made him stop working because of his health issues. Every once in a while he comes out with “Maybe I’ll go back to work”. One time out of five he can’t remember the name of the street he’s lived on for 42 years, but he wants to go back to teaching.
Hattie – Well, I need to get Gary lined up with something like that.Tami – I am so happy I never had to make Mom stop doing anything. That must feel horrible.
It DOES! It does feel horrible! I have decided that I just have to suck it up, though, and accept my role as the new evil overlord. It should come with a crown.
Tami – If I could, I would leave cake and wine on your porch.
Is that some sort of Christian reference, or do you just think that cake and wine make a nice gift?
Tami – no, my friends the heartless Cows #2-4 each left a gift of cake and wine on my porch when Mom was in hospice. I think the hospice nurse recommended wine, then she recommended increasing my meds, then I suggested cake. Thus cake and wine was the hospice coping mechanism. Not that your Dad is at the hospice level, yet.