Secret Santa

I think this might be the first time I’ve ever participated in a Secret Santa exchange.My secret santa recipient is getting screwed. “Santa” was to buy a beverage the first day. a snack the second day, and a gift card for a favorite lunch spot on the third day.

I am a bad, bad Santa.

My person got diet soda (the brand she likes) and then “Santa” realized she didn’t know anything about this woman except she’s a vegetarian. The poor woman got trail mix, not because she likes it, but because it’s what I think vegetarians snack on. And then on the third day I screwed her over completely, because she never leaves her desk to eat lunch anywhere. So I got her a Trader Joe’s gift card because that’s where I imagine vegetarians buy their food.

On the other hand, my Secret Santa is the best ever.

The first day I got a Mocha Doubleshot WITH A STRAW. Because SANTA KNOWS that I wet myself when something goes down the wrong way.

The next day I got Cheetoes, which is my favorite snack.

And on the last day I unwrapped a Tiffanys box (TIFFANYS) with a certificate for La Bonne Bouchee, home of les macarons.

I was so excited by this it made me late for the department meeting, which I hijacked to announce I have the best Secret Santa ever. I thought the Good Santa would then announce herself/himself, but it seems I won’t find out till Festivus on Friday.

Debbie M_______ was getting in the elevator on my floor and she taunted me, “I know your Secret Santa.”

I leaned in to the elevator to intimidate her. “Who?”

“Not telling.”

“WHO?”

“Not telling,” and then the elevator crushed my head. Just for a second. Then it bounced to let me extract my head. It didn’t completely retract, so the elevator took off. I was out by then. I just heard crazed laughter ascend with the elevator.

Debbie email when she got back up to her desk.

FROM: Debbie TO: Ellen – “Are you okay?”

FROM: Ellen TO: Debbie – “What are you talking about? Who are you? Do I know you?”

FROM: Debbie TO: Ellen – “I am D e b b i e. I left my Tiffanys box at your desk.”

Ha! Nice try! The Tiffanys box is secreted away in a hiding spot. I know some nice people, but I know no one who would just let a Tiffanys box go missing.