Remember when I wet my pants at work? Sure you do! Remember there was a man who …
“CAME TO MY DESK AND EXPLAINED TO ME AN EMAIL HE HAD JUST SENT ME, WHICH, AS IT WAS INDEED WRITTEN IN ENGLISH, WAS FULLY COMPREHENSIBLE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.”
He came to my cube and sat down. Right after I had marked my cube like an animal. He sat in the only chair and stayed there. I hustled him out pretty fast.
I found out today that he had come by and sat down because he felt unwell. “Oh, remember that time I came by your cube? I had to sit down or I was going to pass out.” From dehydration, ironically. He might have been drawn to my cube because of all the extra water.
And me all self-centered. Mocking the ill. I feel guilty.
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Remember when I said I was looking forward to the retrospective of The Great American Dream Machine? I’m horrified I lived through something that dated. At the time it seemed normal to me. Marshall Efron really stood out, though. The olive skit still holds up.
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Remember when I said there was TOO MUCH DAMN CHOCOLATE in this house? Turns out that having pounds of chocolate and ice cream and snacks within reach completely kills off any craving for chocolate and snacks.
Scenario 1: Half a bag of Sun Chips in an empty pantry. MUST EAT CHIPS. Must tidy up pantry snarf snarf someone else will get these chips burp pour chip dust into mouth belch. Done with chips.
Scenario 2: Feeling munchy. Sun Chips? Or pretzels. Maybe Fritos. Raisin toast? No longer feeling munchy.
It works the same way with the chocolate. Here are things I am not eating in my freezer: A brownie. A cupcake. Another cupcake. A slice of cake. Two pints of ice cream. Another brownie. Two cookies. A bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies. Chocolate covered fruit. None of it sounds good.
Clearly I eat by the supply and demand theory. Keynesian Food Economics. Food must be scarce to have value.
4 responses to “Loose Ends”
I am a contrarian. It makes no difference how much chocolate or other goodies is in the pantry. I shall seek it out and consume it with great gusto!
Cop Car (Hi,Cop Car!) – I’m into credit default swap eating because … nah, I got nothing.
I am stuck on an island with no chocolate (none!). Eat your chocolate. There are starving teachers in American Samoa.
Erin – I know, I read your blog. But we could send some? Wouldn’t it melt? (Of course, all my stuff has a bite taken out. I will eat it, though, I promise. Except for these nasty balls of fruit goo covered in chocolate. I was going to throw them away. They are that nasty.)