No one should be surprised I have a modest collection of hats.
It is a modest collection of tasteful hats, which should surprise you. It surprised me when I went through my hat collection, searching for a hat grand enough for the Kentucky Derby. Specifically, grand enough for the brief moment I will be on TV, because somehow I scored row A, on the rail, section 125, right past the last turn, just where Secretariat made a break for it.
So here are my hats.
(Before you ask, it is a latex glove mold.)
Hats, in order of combined size and taste.
Black eyebrow hat
Wedding Cake Hat
Sad Sloppy Hat
French Hat
Garden Hat
Faded Crumpled Hat
Formidable Nanny Hat
Tea Hat
Sun Avoidance Hat
Handmade Hat
Handmade Hat was my first hat, a plain navy hat from the semester I wore only blue and navy. Years later I had to up its game so I could wear it to a tea party, so I added the boa and the birds.
I wore Wedding Cake Hat to many weddings. Tea Hat accompanied me to tea at the Ritz in London. Since I am not a French Country farm girl, I never really found a good use for French Hat. Formidable Nanny Hat got the most use, especially when I discovered salespeople at Plaza Frontenac sought me out when I wore it.
Not a single hat is appropriate for Derby Day. So, just as I did with my wedding dress, I can take the time spent shopping and just design and make what I want.
There was a day I wouldn’t have to consider the shape of my face, but now I do. I shall bring back the wimple, no question about that.
And of course a huge brim, if I’m going to be walking next to these ladies:
I LOVE that this woman spilled something on her boob:
So:
a wimple.
Obviously some birds and a few ostrich feathers.
And we love the stuff piled up under the hat:
Though that almost looks tasteful next to the Gold Standard of Horse Race hats:
So you see while none of my hats will do.
10 responses to “I Have Been Entirely Too Tasteful in My Hat Selections”
I love that royal ascot hat. What style!!! With the collar and gloves!!! Well, why not?
Indeed, you are in dire need of a new hat. In fact, this is a hat emergency. Too bad you won’t have time to contact the “by royal warrant” milliner in London as they seem to be busy with something else at the moment. Heaven knows what.
I think he’s making a huge mistake with her, btw. He’ll find himself in royal divorce court in five years is my bet.
There is a hat in time and leisure magazine. It’s lovely. I think it works.
I think that’s her drink straw, not an actual boob stain. Although, really, who could look away from the giant hat?
The closest thing you have to a Derby hat is Handmade Hat. You need something much grander, it’s just a fact. I have a good hat, maybe I should go to the Derby. I have a friend or two in Louisville, even.
*sigh* Pipe dream. My hat shall languish unused.
Others love the hat.
Oooohhhh! Since we need an alternate activity this year, we could go hat shopping! Surely you need the advice of the cows as you try on outrageous headwear.
That’s some selection of hats. I’m impressed. I’ve only once worn an actual fancy hat (though it was to Buckingham Palace to have tea with the Queen) (along with thousands of other hoi polloi) – all of my others are failed attempts at finding the perfect sunhat. Still looking. It’s a quest.
But one does not go to the races wearing a hat alone. There must be an ensemble!
With some of the hats I’ve seen, I can’t help but wonder how one does not have to deal with a nasty headache as a consequence.
There’s a store about five miles from my house that specializes in complete ensembles – most especially including the hats! – for church ladies. Not the narrow, pinched church ladies but the African Methodist Episcopal Church crowd. It’s a beautiful thing.
There was a book of photographs of African-American ladies in their hats. It was called “Crowning Glory”, I think. Wonderful.
I have seen some fantastic hats near my parents house on Sunday. I’m pretty sure the hat has to be larger than the width of your shoulders. Yes.
I thought in the first picture that the white hand was sticking up out of a hat, and I thought “as usual, her definition of tasteful is a little suspect”. 🙂
Hattie – God I know. Thats my favorite.Becs – Is the lady in the article a virgin like Di? When did they drop that requirement?Tami – Crap. It is a drink straw.Caroline – Am I the only one who can’t shop with friends? I must be.Big Dot – The ensemble will be subdued, not to compete with the hat. It may be my pink sweater and cream pants. and pearls, of course.Becs – I can see myself in Maya Angelous hat.Amy in StL – That explains why pink hat with black shirt added a faux layer of sisal (new term for hat gauze) to her pink hat.Allison – It would be a friendly hat! Fat white arm waves hello!