Month: March 2011

No one should be surprised I have a modest collection of hats. It is a modest collection of tasteful hats, which should surprise you. It surprised me when I went through my hat collection, searching for a hat grand enough for the Kentucky Derby. Specifically, grand enough for the brief moment I will be on…

See, here’s what happened. I was putting on my orthopedic slippers yesterday morning and thought, “I am so boring. My life is boring.” When all you do at night is file your dead mother’s newspaper clippings, that’s dull. Plus, Gary’s been working all weekend and all nights, so life is without Gary excitement even. But…

In my senior year of high school I was assigned an art project that was centered around my name. I swear to you, the art teacher, Mr. Yochum, said my name wasn’t prominent enough. “Make it red. Add some color.” Ironic, since I was afraid of color since Mr. Yochum once cried, “No!” sat down…

Bend with your knees, people. Right up there with “Sleep with a hat pin.” Yesterday morning I bent at the waist, spread my arms around a heavy footstool, and picked it up, or rather pulled my back and collapsed in pain. My only plans for yesterday were to snuggle in the guest bed and program,…