Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: March 2011

  • The Stages of Party Food

    There’s a Mardi Gras potluck at work tomorrow. Back in the day, I would have made a frozen macadamia nut raspberry torte, which would have required hours of work and pricey supplies. I would win high praise, and everyone would ask for the recipe. Tonight I thought, “I’m done with all that. I am over…

  • Realty

    I never understood the appeal of realtor shows on HGTV. Flip This House, Sell This House, Curb Appeal – all those shows. I watched a few, but really, why would I care about the cracks in some guy’s laundry room? Suddenly, I’m that guy. I’m improving Mom’s home in case ten years from now there’s…

  • In Which I Get a Woody*

    * Title by (new father) Steve from work. What is that? It’s a Woody Burger. Steve told me about it. It is a bacon cheeseburger, with the buns replaced by grilled cheese sandwiches. I don’t know how Woody is, but I’m sure he’s resting in peace somewhere. I didn’t eat the pickles.Pickles are nasty.

  • What Tammy Found

    Where we left off: At one point Tammy, the blond painter’s assistant, found me and asked, “Did you grow up in this house?” “Yes, since I was 11.” “I found a couple of things pushed in the back of the closet shelves.” Well, some of you know my Dad was a Porn Hoarder. I hinted…

  • The Mom Time Capsule

    The painters at Mom’s have been picking off wallpaper with their fingernails, God bless them. (And I am sure God will: this team of two play soft Christian rock while working.) The house is full of sun. All manner of sins have been painted away. You can no longer tell which side of the bed…

  • UPDATED: Resolved: Charlie Sheen is NOT Batshit Crazy

    Dr. Drew professionally posits that Charlie Sheen is bi-polar and having a controlled manic episode. Probably, but, perhaps Dr. D is wrong. Perhaps, Charlie Sheen is just too good at articulating what he thinks. Let’s diagnose him as over-articulating. TooFineAPoint-itis. I can relate. BNL fans sometimes over-articulate. We are word fetishists and we express ourselves…