See, here’s the problem, there’s something I have a little something tell you but it’s a secret right now. Usually this prompts me to tell you some deep dark buried secret, but I only have one secret left. That’s The Highway 70 Express Lanes Story, also known as the Tale of the Red Tupperware Bowl, and I don’t know if you need to hear it after hearing the title.
So, bullets.
Ramadog
Mac the dog might be celebrating Ramadan by fasting during the daylight hours. However, when it is night he’s happy to snarf his KD kidney-diet food. At 3 am he demanded food, and I gave it to him. I always thought it was ridiculous that Sandy got her family up before dawn so they could do a gorge before fasting all day, but it turns out that’s an official meal with a name (ishoor) and all.
The Vagina-juevenating Diet
The diet must have affected my reproductive system, because when I tidied myself up this morning I was amused to see that my uterus thinks it’s the mid-nineties.
France
The dog is reacting so well to his new diet that Gary is talking about Paris again. I loaded my iPhone with 3 apps in anticipation:
Sit or Squat – it’s the app that George wrote, according to the Curb-Your Enthusiasm Seinfeld reunion. It shows you on a map where the nearest public bathroom is, with a review. I don’t really know if it’ll work in France, but we shall see.
Babelshot – like Babelfish, but for photos. I tested it by taking a photo of a website in French, and it translated it into English for me. I plan to use it for menus, warning signs, big bold newspaper headlines.
Talking iPhone Phrasebook – You click a phrase in English, then the iPhone says it in French in a sexy French woman’s voice. (I looked, they didn’t program in any dirty phrases.)
A Tip from The Pricey West County Salon Eyebrow Technician
“Of course you can pluck and wax over your eyebrows.”
I countered with, “Seventeen Magazine said – ” but she shot me down. Just like last week when Friends 2 and 4 said “Of course you can color your hair when you’re pregnant.”
The Birthday Month Continues
Bongo weeded, but he weeded only what Bongo wanted to weed, not what Missy wanted. Plus, Missy downloaded the first three seasons of The Tudors, and Bongo will not watch them. However, Missy stayed in bed all afternoon and watched the Mystery Diagnosis marathon.
4 responses to “Two Days Worth of Bullets”
We used to say that our lab was Jewish (I don’t remember why); so I have no doubt that Mac might be Muslim. I’m pretty sure my current dog is Catholic; he seems to have the Catholic guilt down pat and he shows no interest in going to church on a regular basis.
I’m probably going to regret this, but I think point #2 requires more detail.
Personally, I don’t need detail around point # 2. There’s really only so much I need to know about you and still be able to have lunch with you once a week.
Amy in StL – I think I remember pet sitting Sandy’s muslim dog and feeding him bacon.Big Dot – For some women it’s four weeks, it seems for me its every four years.Ho9t Mom – It is a natural part of being a woman.