Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: July 2010

  • Waking Up, with Screaming

    Gary’s scream this morning pulled me straight up out of bed where I had been submerged under the influence of heavy REM cycles. I immediately assumed the dog was dead, because nothing else could cause im to make that noise. But then, from the bathroom I heard THUMP ARGH THUMP ARGH! Gary exploded out of…

  • Lingo

    Gary came in the the room just now and said, “I’m watching Jennifer’s Body and I’m going to start saying ‘Random’ – evidently it’s what all the kids say.” He turned to the dog. “That poop you did in front of me when I was watching the movie? Random.” I volunteered, “‘Random, much?’ The kids…

  • Orange Death

    Lounging in bed, watching the Daily Show, start to choke. Choking makes me cough. Coughing makes me pee. Peeing doesn’t make me puke, but something does, and I just barely make it to the bathroom in time. I don’t think Jon Stewart’s goatee made me puke, I think it was the orange juice. Looking back…

  • Tuesday Lunch Conversation

    At the table: Friends 2-4. And me. I didn’t say much, though. The topic: How would Gary act if he and I had a baby? “Well, he’d argue with you about everything.” “Like. ‘Ellen! You aren’t supposed to puke that way. Here, this is how you puke.’” “And he’d buy all the books and be…

  • Taquinez*

    *French for tease. I was emailing Gary madly today, so we could select the room in Paris, make the arrangements, set the budget. Bad news.Come to find out tonight the rooms we want at the hotel we want are booked for the week we want. Good News.We can just move it up a week! Wheee!…

  • Navigation …

    I can’t remember what show we were watching that touched on this topic. All I recall is Gary shrieking “Back to front! Who would go back to front? That’s disgusting! Ellen, you don’t do that, do you?” “Seriously? I get enough bladder infections without inviting them in.” (Stand down. That’s as indelicate as I am…

  • The Bird is the Word

    Speaking of the Verizon Wireless Sweat Lodge and Amphitheater, Saint Louis is abuzz with the shitstorm that went on there last night at the Kings of Leon concert. They played three songs and walked off. The concert was over due to “Safety concerns.” Well, given that the Chicago trombone player had to quietly change his…

  • Paying For It

    “Hey, Ellen,” you ask with concern, “You were out in the 90+ heat and humidity on Friday and Saturday and then again last night. Aren’t you supposed to avoid the heat?” WHO do you THINK you ARE to talk – wait. Sorry about that. You’re right. I’m taking a sick day today, just like I…

  • Going to wikipedia this man

     

  • Gary just shushed me!

    He really likes Chicago.