If it’s in boldface, it was typed at 7:30, half an hour after Marcia, Flossy Friend #3, drove me home from Happy Hour with Friends #2 and #0.5. (Average Friends: approx 1.8) I had two Purple Hazes, which Libby explains is a Long Island Tea with that wussy Coke replaced with Chambord.
If it’s in italics, it’s 10:30, and I have a more sober perspective.
LEGEND: Drunk Sober
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Purple Haze through a straw makes you:
1. Kiss friend #3 on the lips. Except it wasn;t oin the lips it was more on theteeth becsause she was gr4inning. Hot girld! Wants it! Her teeth are slimy bujt as she pointed out, well flossed.
I can not believe I was not thrown out of the bar/restaurant. For some reason, this seemed at the time to be entirely appropriate behavior.
2. use such progfanity oin the bar that yhhou are accus3wed by friedn #3 of being an angreyt drunk. Follwoed by #!1, above,
I was very astonished to hear Marcia say I seemed angry. This is why I had to some her some love.
Days later: “Some her some love” instead of “give her some love.” Obviously still impaired at 10:30.
3. Steal friend #0.5’s water, I tell yhou, she was neglecting it and I didnt want to become dehyhdrated.
I kept trying to hail the waiter to get her more water. He was ignoring me FOR SOME MYSTERIOUS REASON. I don’t remember how it came up, but I remember the waiter acknowledging I was hammered.
4. mnake sexul,a dwemands of yhour husband whiloe weareing a silkdreszsing gowqn and yhour zsung;la= — try agin – your sungblasses.
I am happy to say this ended well. It ended well thanks to my husband’s indulgence, just as Happy Hour ended well thanks to my friends’ indulgence.
So here’s my plan, next GNO is a week from tomorrow. I am going to bring all the Porch Wine O’Death, and let everyone else get drunk. Because I think I danced on the tightrope tonight – if I had a different set of friends I imagine they wouldn’t have been entertained.
12 responses to “Bottom, or Nearabouts”
The only thing I regret about our happy hour was the fact that the Pizza Street mascot was not booty-popping in the partking lot.
What – are you stalking me? I just posted this a second ago!
You’re the one who kissed her on the lips. What, you think you can do that sort of thing without consequences? Who knows life-long inhibitions what your drunken advances may have released? Watch this space, I reckon.
Or even ‘what life-long inhibitions’. And I’m not stalking, it’s 4.30pm here and I’ve just got home from work and this is what I do with my cup of tea.
Well, you sober up quick.
1. Just so you know, that is TOTALLY appropriate at MY bar, Novak’s. Future happy hour? hehe Since you’re closeted anyway…3. I was WAITING until my beer was completely finished before I was ready to drink the water. But I probably would have done the same thing if I were you. You’re just lucky you didn’t steal my alcohol!4. Parking lot or in the park? I didn’t even get phone booth. Although I did get some good hugs from my long lost friends so no complaints really. 🙂
Damn my bare pantry and its need to be filled.I have my calendar time blocked starting at 4 next week so I can join the festivities. Friend #0.5, you will be there, right?
We can drink one for Ricky then.
Friend Caroline – I will be there!
Big Dot – It’s just I don’t think vibrators and cups of tea go together … then again maybe it’s different in the other hemisphere.Magpie – 3 hours is quick? I drank it quick, maybe that’s why.#0.5 – Oh, my car was serviced in the parking lot. No one went to the amusement park. Caroline – Stupid food.Friend #3 – Don’t speak too soon.#0.5 – Talk amongst yourselves. Because, no one who wasn’t there has the slightest idea what this is all about.
You’ve made it sound much more exciting than it actually was. Is it sad that I wasn’t even slightly disturbed that you licked Friend #3’s teeth.
FHC#2 – It seemed natural, didn’t it.