Gary did something rare and special this morning on the side of Highway 94. He puked. He hasn’t vomited since he was eight. He’s 54 now.
He has tried to vomit. He stuck his arm down his throat when he thought he had food poisoning, when in actuality his gallbladder was self-destructing like a Mission Impossible tape. Of course, he can’t make himself vomit. (He has no gag reflex because his extra-long uvula dangled on to his gag reflex as a child and dulled it. It didn’t even help that later he had a clit … uhh …uvulectomy.)
But, today he didn’t even have to try. He barfed all on his own like a big boy. Oh, well, he had some help from the antibiotics.
However, it would appear he has forgotten how to vomit.
Most people, when they vomit, assume a vomit position. A posture that says “PITY ME I AM BLOWING CHUNKS ON A HIGHWAY SHOULDER.” Gary stood proud. He didn’t even try to hunch over or grip his stomach. He just got out of the car, strode a few paces into the grass, put his arms akimbo, tucked his chin under, and hurled in a straight, confident line.
Then he spat and got back in the car.
8 responses to “Bleaaaahhhhhhk!”
I am a non-vomiter. I thrown up once in the past fifteen years, and I blame *cough* a local grocery chain’s salad bar for that.
I have a mixed marriage. He can’t/doesn’t and I have IBS and wind up doing it several times a week if I eat the wrong things.
I would rather suffer the pains of hell than blow chunks. I only feel worse afterwards, then the next morning my back aches like someone strung me up by each of my ribs.And what is with Gary, anyway?
Kathy – That is amazing. I puke sometimes just because I’ve woken up.Zayrina – several times a week? I thought I was up there with once a month. Wait – are we still talking about vomit?Becs – Oh, I feel great after puking. Really, I do. I brush my teeth and it’s like all my physical problems are gone. I can easily see how someone might make the leap to thinking that bulimia would solve emotional problems too. And Gary – he’s just sick. We’ve had a hellish cold going around.
I’m not much of a puker. I don’t think I was sick to my stomach from about age 5 until college; I’m sure you can guess the circumstances that sent me to the porcelain god.When I was pregnant, brushing my teeth made me sick. That was a nice cycle. Wake up, brush teeth, puke, brush teeth, puke…. I finally figured out that Wake up, wait 30 minutes, brush teeth was a combination that did not result in vomit.
Caroline – I puked at least once a month as a child. In fact, I puked today at the S_____’s as conclusion to a violent coughing fit.
I myself have experienced way too many “dry heaves” this spring. “Why” you ask? It’s the damn gnats. I open my mouth to speak, they dive bomb the back of my throat, my gag reflex takes over and I’m rendered helpless, tears streaming down my face, veins popping in my forehead. It’s going to be the death of me someday, I just know it. They’ll find me on the floor in front of the toilet bowl. The autopsy will reveal one gnat stuck to the back of my throat.
Connie – Oh that is awful! Awful. I’m heaving just thinking about it.