Or:
The Wake, Part the First
Sure, other people have funeral directors to plan the gathering to honor the deceased. Since Mom had requested
immediate cremation, we needed to find a way for people to gather and
remember Mom. I suppose we could have rented space at a funeral home, but Mom has a nice large house and everyone knew how to get there.
Food:
The Sunday before she died, Mom learned she’d be having a visitor the next day. “Poundcake,” she mouthed, “Helfer’s Pastries.” I crossed my fingers and hoped they’d even have poundcake when I made my first visit ever to Helfer’s Pastries. It turns out they did, thank GOD, because if they hadn’t – think of it – a deathbed food request I couldn’t fulfill. They also had eclairs, also known as breakfast. Filled with heaven. And deep butter poundcake, which in their world is gooey butter cake without the gooey.
So of course, later I picked up eclairs and poundcake for the Wake, and Mom’s friends had already volunteered to bring dip and cookies and wines and beverages and to make the coffee. (As a note for those of you with living mothers, be sure your Mom cultivates take-charge friends who know their way around your Mom’s kitchen. Mom had a group of great friends who would come and make breakfast at Mom’s every other week. They showed up and I took a nap.)
Decor:
I knew from Dad’s service that photos are essential. I fretted a little about finding frames for all the photos of Mom, then I remembered Mom always displayed treasures under the glass top of her kitchen table. (Mom topped her table with a tablecloth, then a layer of, say: dried flowers, or flower photos, then a big round circle of glass.) That worked out well.
Favors:
In the death file she had suggested that after her death she wanted her friends to each go through her house and pick something to remember her by.
The thing that made this hard was that Dave and I had to strip the house of everything we wanted first. Mom always joked to her friends that there wouldn’t be anything in her house that her kids would want, and instead we’d pitch it all into the Giant Death Dumpster you see showing up in the neighbor’s driveways after a death or a one-way visit to the nursing home. I don’t know who calls in the Dumpster, but I don’t think we’ll use their service. Does anyone know? Is it part of what comes with an estate sale?
So even with the big speed purge, there were still a few awkward moments. (“Oh! No! That painting is MINE MINE MINE!” and “You want a television to remember Mom by?”) Fortunately, Friends #2 and 3 were there to remind me, “Um … is that a family quilt on that bed? Are you sure you want that sitting out?”
Reviews:
Mom’s friends said it went well. Others said they missed seeing a body and would have preferred it to be in a funeral parlor. Mom’s ghost spat on those people.
10 responses to “Martha Stewart (Not) Living: The Wake”
People complained that your mom was inconsiderate in asking for an immediate cremation!? Wow – the gold standard of selfishness.My condolences Queeny.
I am a member of the Immediate Cremation Society as well. See me while I am still alive or you can kiss my ash.
I mean, really? It was what your mom wanted… what is with these people? I agree with Zayrina. Sounds to me like you are getting through the days. Hang in there.
Your mom was something else.I want that kind of funeral too. With extra wine.
I want my ghost to spit on people too!
Did your mom have a Blu-ray player? I could remember her with that….(Really, a TV to remember her by? Weird.)
So, your mother didn’t fix sticky labels under all her possessions with the name of the eventual recipient on them? That were sometimes crossed out and replaced with another name? Leaving you forever wondering, with no way of finding out the answer, what was up with that? Shame…
For those of you who don’t know, in addition to Ellen being a fab writer, she is also an incredible artist. I’m the proud owner of three beautiful watercolor paintings.She hates compliments — watch me get bitch-slapped now. 😛
It’s so shameful that people would criticize the last wishes of someone AND moreover be crass enough to mention it. Even Martha Stewart would spit on them!
Moobs – In laws. What can I say?Zayrina – Ha! I love that.Sue – Yeah, you too! Hang in there yourself.Magpie – Yeah … there was much wine consumed. Of course, this leaves me with a total of six bottles of wine. I don’t like wine. I’m thinking I need to see what wine tastes like mixed with Diet Rite White Grape Soda.Autumn – Oh, actually, she didn’t spit. She just rolled her eyes expressively.Amy inStL – Again, In laws. What can I say?Big Dot – Nope, except she said Archie and Velma should have the big chair.Friend #3 – Nope, you got the three watercolors that suck. The only two good watercolors I ever did were the last two, the tulips Friend #2 got and the “MINE MINE MINE” glacier.The Orchid Lady – Gary just commented last night on how good that orchid smells, by the way. And to be fair, the in-laws didn’t mention it to me, just to Gary. Sort of like “THIS ISN’T RIGHT YOU MUST SHOW OUR BODIES AT A FUNERAL HOME WHEN WE DIE.”