10. I am ten pounds lighter than I was 2 weeks ago. Mom whispered in the hospital, “Hospice diet. Write a book.”
9 out of 10. The number of impending death signs Mom showed on her last day. The hospice people give you a book that spells out what physical changes you can expect at one month, one month to one week, two to three days, and the final hours. Until the end, this book was frighteningly on the nose. We grew to rely too heavily on that book. Before she died, she had all the signs except blotchiness. After she died, I’m afraid I flipped her hand over and looked for blotches, as if to say, “she might not be dead … she isn’t blotchy.” So, if you ever have anyone in hospice, know that the book isn’t that accurate.
7. Mom left us a to-do list in the DEATH file, with 7 instructions. Yes, she had a file labeled DEATH. And if your parents don’t have a death file, sit down and make one with them. I haven’t had to make a decision all week. All we have left to do on the list is to have her name put on the tombstone her mother bought her.
86. The extension for the St. Louis Post Dispatch obituary phone line is 8600. Eighty-six. Do you think that’s on purpose?
1815. No … Still too soon.
10 responses to “Hospice by the Numbers: Part 2”
May I ask what is included in a death file? It sounds like something everyone should have.
Sure is – having just had to put together my mother’s funeral from scratch, I’m drawing up a programme for my own. Nobody else is going to think of playing the music from Disney’s Electric Parade as my coffin glides through the curtains…
My parents have their whole memorial service planned out so when Dad died, all we had to do was pick the date and show up. Sure beat when my MIL died, and we all sat around trying to figure out what to read/sing/whatnot, let alone what to do with her. Write it down people,and let someone else know where you wrote it.
86. Oh dear, that *is* in poor taste, isn’t it?
When my dad started hospice we started family planning the funeral together so dad could get his say in. And I know that this sounds INCREDIBLY morbid but it was actually kind of fun, in a twisted way, as we came up with all kinds of inappropriate things to do. The other thing we did, which was kind of suggested by our hospice counselor, was start going thru family photos to use at the funeral. And that was actually a nice way to recap dad’s life while he was still able to tell stories and stuff. I found some pictures of him obviously drunk at frat parties in college and got to hear some fun stories of his mis-spent youth. Planning ahead really did help. When he finally did pass we had everything all set up.
That anonymous commenter was me, Big Dot – Typepad decided to give me witness protection. Still puzzling over 1815 – the Battle of Waterloo? World’s first cheese factory established in Switzerland? A quarter past six in the evening?
My late FIL, (not overly lamented, I might add) thought he had it all together. His kids elected to be obtuse about the whole thing and let me do everything in the end, (and I had to, just to get it done). He did have his way about the ashes, for the most part. The money, house, stuff? Not so much so. I finally got it figured out, 8 months later. If he knew that I, a mostly complete stranger, had finalized everything, he woulda been right back to haunt us all!
Erin -1.To-Do list with “bury me in pink dress” crossed out, followed by “UPDATED! Cremate me and have the funeral home dispose of my ashes” (they refused to do that part).2. Life Insurance amount and phone number.3. List of assets, listing which stocks / bonds / cash accounts are in which kids name as beneficiary, or payable on death, or as a co-signer.4. A legal thing called Stop … Stop? Stop Something. About the house. It makes it so we can sell it more easily.5. Safety deposit number and key and list of what’s in there. 6. Will, Power of Attorney7. Keys to the storage shed and Dave’s closet. For when we sell the house.8. What you want read at the service.9. Humorous instructions. Gary is to join a barbershop quartet.Plus, on all her file folders relating to stocks she wrote what was in the folder and why it was important. It is truly awesome.”” (Big Dot) – Now it’s off to google Electric ParadeKristin – I was supposed to pick out the music for Dad’s funeral, but he died earlier than expected. Someone quipped we should have the organist for the Blues play.Sara – I know! Could have been 8686.Kim – That reminds me! I get to pull out good photos of Mom. There are no drunk photos, I’m afraid. I wish we could have reminisced more.Big Dot – 1815? No. It was awful. And you sickos will find it funny.Judith – I would like to have you as a sister-in-law.
A few years ago, I put together a very casual list of how to disperse my personal items when I die. My sister knows where this list is, and she knows where to find the list to all my online passwords. I figure she’s the one who will take care of everything. She’s strong like that. But I guess I really should make it less casual; more detailed. It really is a very good idea to have such a file, no matter what age or condition you’re in.
KC – Right. Especially if you have a retirement account, life insurance from work, or anything like that. Don’t assume your spouse immediately gets it, or that no one will fight him for it.