So, the cruise is over and life has returned to normal. For example, Monday I had a scone from Starbucks, went to work, checked my email, tendered my resignation, caught up with voice mail, researched circular function calls, went to Panera bread for lunch, etc. Wait? Did I tell you I researched circular function calls? That was exciting.
Oh, and resigning. That was exciting too.
(I accepted a new job the Friday before vacation, after I’d left work, so I had to keep this a secret all through vacation. You know how I am with secrets, if I keep one I have to spill another. I’ve been dying all week to tell you that on pajama night on the cruise, Gary vetoed my sexy silk PJs and robe because it was too revealing. So I changed into my big red flannel pajamas BUT I removed the panties he insisted I wear underneath, just so I wouldn’t be dick-whipped. Whew. There. Okay, now we’re cool.)
I’ve been at this company for 17.5 years, so resigning was a bit of a deal. I imagine people will want to know why, and I know employers want to believe what they want to believe, so I thought I’d make a list of reasons I’m leaving, then let my bosses fill in the blanks in my resignation letter.
Top Five Reasons I’m Leaving My Current Job and Going to Another One
5. I’m at the top of my pay scale at my current company. I haven’t had a raise in five years. I’m in the middle at this new company. They talked about raises. They also talked about bonuses.
4. Perhaps I’m having a midlife crisis, but instead of dumping Gary I’m dumping my job.
3. If all my friends jumped off a bridge, would I do it too? Yes, I would. Friend #6 works at the new job. Friend #2 is leaving for the new company too, but going to a different office.
2. There’s a recession coming, and I’m going to be in the same situation I was during the last recession: I’m the one with dual income and insurance and no kids, so my hours will be cut. As it should be. Or, better yet, I could do everyone a favor and work somewhere else.
1. Did you know Fortune Magazine thinks my new company is one of the top 5 best places to work in the US?
So, I start at the hot sexy new company in a few weeks. Hot sexy company that’s half my age and has a tongue stud. Hot company with whom I shall have a meaningless relationship with no intimacy and no pain. Transitional Company, Inc., here I come.
18 responses to “Top Five”
Congrats on the new job! I’m excited for you! I let out an “Aiee!” while reading, but I kept it quiet, so as not to embarrass you in front of your new cool employers.
Congratulations!
Whoa! So cool! You are so smart. Best of luck, go kick some transitional ass, and, uh, party on.Congrats!!
I am nearly speechless. I am SO proud! You are finally leaving that place. That place has not deserved you nor your talent for several years now.We must celebrate!
Wow! I’ve always wanted to know someone who worked for Google! Do you get free internet searches? Oh wait…Well congrats anyway! Sounds like a smart move.
Congratulations!I’ve thought about looking for a new job lately but I’d have a difficult time leaving my hometown.If we’re living here, I’m perfectly happy with my job. We’ve just always talked about moving to San Diego.
Jump!Jump!Jump!Jump!Jump!Oh. Wait. You already did. Welcome to The Corporation…
It will no doubt move up to #1 place to work once you’re there to delight and entertain everyone. Congratulations!
Ooooh! I’m jealous! I’d love to have a new, more exciting, tongue-pierced, cool kind of job. Do they need anyone with great administrative skills and a phone voice to die for?
Joshua (AKA Hot Mom) shall lead the way. I shall look longingly at the Promised Land. 🙂 In the immortal words of that American Idol contestant whose “friends” told him he sounds like Paul Robeson: Let my pipple goooooo.
CONGRATULATIONS! And may I say-I’m so jealous. I want to leave my current job for more moola and something exciting.
17.5 years is a lot of years. and 5 years with no raise is also a lot of years.good decision.even if hot new company ends up being a jerk and leaving you with more than mouth herpes…good decision.
I’m so excited for you! Promise you won’t start off by sexually harrassing people.
Rachelskirts – Aiee! But, I’m not at the new place yet. Not for another week or so.Kathy – Thanks!Becs – Do it fast, like a bandaid.Catherine the Red – Ah! I should have called you first!Candy – Well, Google’s #1. I’m not up at that level.ajooja – But … OUR zoo is free.Hot Mom – We don’t call it jumping. We call it taking a long-term consulting position at a nearby firm.Vaguely Urban – Well, today I did recommend to my co-workers that Mitt Romney not get his sacred underwear in a twist.KC – Ooo – I’ll keep an eye out.Friend #3 (AKA Moses) – You will see the promised land someday soon. Autumn – Be sure to give your current job 17.5 years first. Ha. No, I’m kidding.melati – Yes! Mouth herpes!TasterSpoon – Actually, I did that today at the old job. Non-creepy New guy said “Too. Much. Information.”
This is super awesome news – congratulations!
Catherine – Well, we shall see. I just had to say goodbye to the elegant founder of the company, and it made me quite sad.
Congrats on the move! I think I know where you’re going and it sounds fantastic.
Marriage 101 – Thanks, and it was nice meeting you and Mr. Marriage last Friday.