Mom Brushes Her Teeth

Mom let me watch her as she brushed her teeth today. For future reference in case one ever has limited use of ones arms:

1. Design an Arm Prop (patent pending) made of an inverted new toilet plunger sawed in half and affixed to a stand, so.

2. Hold electric toothbrush in right hand and use recoil properties of a sudden shoulder jerk to elevate right elbow into rubber cup of plunger.

3. Take left hand and unscrew toothpaste cap.

4. Astonish your daughter who is expecting you to squeeze toothpaste into the sink but NO, instead bend down and squeeze toothpaste into your mouth.

5. Rub toothpaste on teeth with tongue.

6. Lower teeth onto electric toothbrush and run each tooth over the toothbrush.

7. After cleaning teeth, heartlessly drop electric toothbrush directly into sink.

8. Butt head against faucet to turn it off.

I swear to everyone, I asked if she wanted me to help her brush her teeth. This is why I was so disgusted that night when Gary whined, “But I need you to help me wrap the presents.”