In honor of the season and her sturdy teeth, I bought the Queen Mother some candy for Christmas.
I also got her a book with large print, in honor of her literacy and poor eyesight.
Then, in May when we had encountered armadillos in Memphis on the way to the BNL concert, she told us of a basket she’d seen made of an armadillo’s shell and had not purchased. So she got this.
Then, a week ago, she said this sentence:
“I’m trying to get rid of things like candy dishes. I have enough crap in my house, and I don’t eat candy anymore.”
“Oh … how do you feel about reading?”
Because I figured the candy and the armadillo wouldn’t go over, she also got this:
Only because I dimly remembered she likes ONE Screaming Jay song (I Put a Spell On You) which he helpfully puts on every single one of his albums.
And when I realized she really had no use for that, I broke down and got her this profoundly functional and boring item:
(And she was very gracious and thanked me for every gift. I have raised her well.)
7 responses to “The Haul”
Did you also get the tank cover for her? In my experience with them, they tend to cause the tank to sweat and they get all nasty. Also, the armadillo basket is a bit gruesome. I would be afraid the spirit of the little fellow would haunt my dreams if I had such an item in my home.
What DID you do with the armadillo basket?
She’s probably put it next to the elephant’s foot umbrella stand in the hall. On the tiger skin rug. With her kangaroo’s paw back-scratcher inside it. Seriously, that is one creepy basket.
What you need to get for her is a really large St. Francis of Assisi, complete with a giraffe and a donkey. I happen to have a nice one, three feet tall, made of metal of course. She’ll love it! Then any present you give her after that will be so incredibly tasteful, you won’t have to complain, ever again!
Pageycooks – I am sure this armadillo died peacefully from old age. There will be no hauntings. And, no tank cover, we just need traction on the floor here.Melissa – Well, it’s sitting on the kitchen table at Mom’s. We watched it closely to be sure it wouldn’t warm up and leak insects like Aunt Nancy’s Peruvian craft necklace did.Big Dot – My grandparents had a footstool made of a dromedary hump. It was cool. If this was a pair of boots, would it be better?Judith – You know what’s gross? They make the same baskets, but around the rim there are four little shriveled armadillo FEET. I could have gone there. A Saint Francis sounds good too.
Well, for me, yes – but then I’m hypocrisy personified. Now that I remember the baby octopi and the pigs’ snouts, I have to give you full marks for consistency. I see your dromedary hump footstool and I raise you a kangaroo scrotum bottle opener.
Big Dot – I MUST HAVE ONE!
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