Dog Scandal

I met the newest addition to the in-law family this evening. She’s a little dachshund named Tinkerbell. Given that my in-laws are 82 and 78, I made a special effort to bond with what will be my dog someday.

Tink, like all S_______ dogs, is a refugee from a dog shelter. Good for them, I say, but it means that the owners have to imagine the dog’s history. That’s why all the in-law’s dogs are said to have been abused, neglected, and abandoned.

However, they got a little extra information about Tink. She was found in an abandoned apartment with three other dogs, including one Rottweiler. The shelter said a retired couple would be perfect owners for Tinkerbell, because she needed extra attention. She was a sad puppy since she was being separated from this Rottweiler with whom she had formed a special bond. “As if Tinkerbell thought this dog was her substitute mother,” they cooed. The S_______ decided this was a sign from God, they were destined to have this poor abandoned puppy, and they sent her off to be spayed.

The operation revealed these shocking details:

• Tinkerbell? Pregnant! At only 14 in dog years.
• The babies? Half dachshund, half … Rottweiler!
• The Rottweiler? Evidently not a mother/daughter bond! Freaky!

“So … ” I wondered when Gary told me that his parents new dog was into Kinky Incestuous Inter-breed Underage S and M / Punishment Sex with Older Bigger Transvestite Rottweilers, “What happened to the Rott-shund puppies?”

“Oh, well they gave Tinkerbell a Cesarean Section, and … you know … got rid of the puppies. They would have hurt her if they’d grown to full size.”

So, my Catholic in-laws are now proud parents of a puppy who got an abortion, possibly a partial-birth abortion to save the life of the mother because she likes her men big. I think she IS a gift from God.