This, from our bedroom, as we cuddled and made small talk:
Gary: “So I saw this thing on HBO or something, when this guy said he ‘did the alphabet’ during cunnilingus.”
Me: “Yeah. I’ve heard about that too. I wonder what would it feel like to be cunnilingled that way. Give me your elbow.”
(I mouth the alphabet on Gary’s elbow until I get bored and give it a big cow lick.)
Gary: “And that’s the other thing, does anyone ever make it through all 28 letters of the alphabet?”
My internal monologue: Did he just say 28? Are you kidding me? 28? Rip on him for saying there are 28 letters of the alphabet! No! Wait! Give him a chance. See if he says ’32’ next time.
Ellen: (flatly) “Yeah. 28 letters. That’s a lot of letters.”
Internal monologue: Wait for it…wait for it…No! Move on! Keep talking about sex! You’re losing him!
Gary: “Wait – how many letters are in the alphabet? Did I say 28? I meant 24.”
So. No sex for me.
12 responses to “This is Why I Don’t Get Any”
Historians will likely point to this blog as the origination of the verb “cunnilingled.”
Not sure I could have stopped giggling long enough to actually have sex anyway.I checked with my Husband on this subject.Me: “Honey, random quiz question — how many letters in the alphabet?”Him: “Uh…26?”Me: “Right! You get to have to sex tonight, if you want to.”Him: (pause) “Really?”
Well, you did marry him for his brains. ;-)You realize your site will yield search engine results for more than just “toe porn” and “iron lung bondage” now?
That Gary is a keeper!
I’ve done the alphabet thing before, but I usually forget where I’m at. 🙂
Perhaps he was referring to the Greek Alphabet?(24 letters). =)
Imagine if Gary tried the Cyrillic alphabet. I’m just sayin’.
David Brown – and it rhymes with tingled! And commingled.Sherri – Ha! My work here is done. Bringing people together.Friend #3 – Well, it’s been a day and no searches yet.sue – Yes. Plus, I have to keep him, because he can’t survive on his own without knowing the alphabet.ajooja – Can she tell if you miss a letter?snowy – He did eat a lot of Greek desserts recently…Catherine – Or, hieroglyphics! “Bird, bird, eye, bird, sun.” Ooo baby.
I know – how about binary code?! Dot dot, line line line, dot dot. Or something. Rowr.
Catherine – I just spent a moment really visualizing that. The dots are cracking me up.
What about Morse Code? Dash dash dot, dot dash dot, you get what I mean. I’ve been thinking about this too much.
Catherine – yes. We have been thinking about this too much. Besides, I don’t know the names of those African languages with all the clicking and clucking.