We have ants. We have ants every year, and every year I take great pleasure in killing them. I use Terro-X, which is a tasty mixture of sugar water and Borax. The ants circle around it, gobble it down, then take it back to their nests and vomit it up for their babies! Irony! Poetic Justice! Soon the entire ant colony is dead. If you can’t tolerate watching the ant feast, you can buy it in pre-filled trays, but I love to taunt the ants. “MMmmm! Tasty, tasty poison. Tell your friends!”
Well, I seem to have bred a colony of ants immune to Borax. I now have more ants coming every day to the poison trough.
“Hey!” Gary said, “Maybe we can give them what’s left of your Copaxone!”
“Hey, yeah,” I agreed , “First they’d get hot, then they turn into red ants when they get flushed. Then they wouldn’t be able to breathe through their exoskeletons. Then they’d puke – “
“Violently,” Gary added.
“Yeah, and then they’d turn blue. Cool.”
“Be kind of hard to give them the shots, though.”
5 responses to “On Anticide”
Get some “Grant’s Ant Stakes”. Put them around the perimeter of your yard. Stick a few in places like under the sink. We replace these every year or so and never have ant problems. When the ants start to show up we know it’s time for new ones. Or you could give them leftover prescription medication.
You could post the Copaxone reactions on YouTube.When I had ant problems at an old apartment I sprayed Skin So Soft on the floor where they were coming in. It worked. I swear that stuff gets credit for doing everything.
Napalm. Great stuff, but leave the house first. Tell your neigbors to leave too.
Ooh! Animal Planet is showing “Ants! Nature’s Secret Power” right now. Looks quite stimulating. 🙂
Melissa – But… but I like to see the Ants, because it’s so satisfying when I don’t see them anymore. They eat, and eat, then suddenly no more ants…Caroline – S-S-S must contain Borax. Mom just puts Borax down by they foundation to the house.Meriwether – We used to use those fire-starters made of napalm. I wonder if they still have those.Friend #3 – Ah, but MSNBC is showing “Dateline: To Catch an ID Thief,” with a guy who doesn’t recognize Chris Hansen and discusses “Dateline: To Catch a Predator” WITH Chris Hansen. Meta!