Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: September 2007

  • EVEN MORE UPDATED: Born Without An Asshole: a Discovery Channel Special

    EVEN MORE UPDATED: Born Without An Asshole: a Discovery Channel Special

    Awwww. Remember Cassata, the puppy born without an asshole? Well, even under the loving care of (Latter Day) Saint Stacey, she’s hit a kink on the road to her recovery. While she is pooping, they are inadequate little pearls of poop, and it seems she’s backed up because scar tissue is forming in her brand…

  • Full. Moon.

    I again forced Gary to eat at a restaurant that doesn’t belong to a chain. He loves to snuggle in the bosom of Friday’s and Applebee’s, but I dragged him off to Acero. I’ve been to Acero with Catherine the Red, but not Gary. Again I had salami and cheese. Then the polenta was Rabbit…

  • Still Not Spartacus

    Well, I am probably not going to be in the clinical trial. I am bummed. (I coulda been a Spartacus, instead of bummed, which is what I am.) It seems I am too well. I haven’t heard the official “No thank you,” but it doesn’t look good. Pout. I realize I should be happy I…

  • It’s Like the Manchurian Candidate, but Funny

    Gary found a movie the other night. He watched it, deleted it, and said, “You wouldn’t have liked it.”” “Oh, so it was an action-adventure movie?” “No. it was a comedy. I thought it was hysterical, but you wouldn’t have liked it.” So, Gary, if you and your Blackberry are paying me a visit while…

  • Morning Man

    I hate the morning version of Gary. Morning Man does one of two things. He wakes up early and screams in a panic from his bedroom:“Ellen! It’s ten till seven!” (five minute pause)“Ellen! It’s five till seven!” (five minute pause) “Ellen it’s -” “GARY! Shut UP!” He wakes up late and screams in a panic…

  • In Which We Smugly Lord It Over One of Our Dear Friends

    I want to preface this by saying I pine to belong to a religion that has religious scholars. My nephew grew up having long debates with Muslim elders. I know Jesuits have a heritage of thinking about religion. It seems I keep landing in religions that manipulate your emotions and call your heartstrings your soul.…

  • The Red Clarks

    The Red Clarks

    I’m not a shoe diva. (Now, socks, that’s another story.) I can’t stand spending a lot for shoes. (Again, socks, another set of ethics applies.) For quite a long time I owned one pair of black shoes, one pair of blue, one pair or brown, and — done! Shoes? Check! Catherine the Red eventually persuaded…

  • In Which We Prove We Were Fortunate in Not Having Attended Woodstock

    Number of treats I ate at Taste of Saint Louis:Empanada from Monarch (1. Enh. And I like Monarch, but this empanada was dry.)Vegetable Samosa 1 (enh)Crabcakes (2! Very good crabcakes. From God knows where.)Bread PUDDING (1 huuuuuge HHHHOOOOTTTT ow! hunk. Good, with raisins, from Harvest. AND I think they serve savory bread puddings too)Strawberry fondues…

  • Wild and Crazy Deer Party at the Firehouse

    Gary came in at 2am a few days ago after walking the dog. This time, he woke me up without demanding money. “Oh, my God, Ellen, I just saw the same seven deer we saw on New Year’s!” I did a little Gary math adjustment and realized he was talking about the five deer that…

  • No Flies on Gary

    I was talking with Friend #3, and told her that the best way to kill flies was to snap a dishtowel at them. She was dubious. “No,” I said, “You don’ t even have to hit them, just snap the towel in their vicinity. The sonic boom created by the snapping of the towel stuns…