Dear Husband –
Okay, first of all, hi. You’re in the bathroom, right? Because I know that’s the only place you read my blog.
Anyway, remember earlier today when I called you from my job because I was filling out a very important form for my Lives Are At Stake super-secret project? Not the forklift project. No, not the Marriage Counseling project. Pay attention. The Very Important Project.
And remember how you got all pissy because I called to ask you your mother’s birth date? You were all like, “Why are you bothering me with this!” (Big sigh) And then: “Fine, I’LL CALL MY MOM AND ASK HER WHEN SHE WAS BORN!”
And remember how I said, “I’m sorry for bothering you, I just thought you might know off the top of your head. Bye…” and remember how you said “Jesus!” just as you were hanging up?
Well, did you know I can get to Amazon right from my desk at work? And did you know the One-click shopping comes right off YOUR debit card? How about that. At any rate, thanks for the Guster CD.
“Receiving Gifts” — my new Love Language.
Sincerely,
Your Wife.
P.S. Suck my balls.
13 responses to “Another Open Letter to My Husband”
So why did you stop with just one CD? You know they sell all kinds of wonderful stuff on Amazon. Heh heh.
LOVE it!
All hail to the Queen!
Brat. Both of you, brats.
Oooo… payback’s a bitch.
The “suck my balls” part is the best!
You are too much!!!
Does Gary really not know his mom’s birthday? I think you should buy something on her behalf, too!
Becs “� Hmmm. That is a slippery slope. I felt the offense only merited a CD.Angie “� Aww, quit it.Autumn “� No, seriously, quit it.Troll “� Yeah! That’s more like it.sue “� Neh, it was only about 18 bucks. And, he gets to listen to the Guster CD.Faythe “� Faythe! SuckMahBallz!It’s Not Easy Being Green “� Hey! Hi! I’ve been to your site, and so has my Mom.So cool.Tracy27 “� Well…to be fair, they never ever celebrate a birthday on the day of the birth. AND to be fair, his Mom was unclear on his birthday for years (see:http://mocklog.typepad.com/queen_mediocretia/2007/03/birthday_day.html-yeah, all true.)
Seriously, though, if I ever get married, that’s what it’s going to be like. I tell normal people to suck my balls constantly, why would I not tell my husband that?
Yeah, all he does is throw his arms in the air, shout “Fine! DO WHAT YOU WANT! You always do anyway…” Not so bad, really.
That was pretty damn funny! I need to get my spouse to read my blog just to do the same thing.
Dusio – (Hi!) Boy, my husband wouldn’t read it for the longest time, either. Do they not know the power we hold?