When I was young, but still old enough to attend to myself in the hours after school but before my parents came home, Mom would come home and ask:
“What did you do this afternoon?”
“Nothing.”
“You must have done something.”
“I watched TV.”
“Oh.” (pause) “I mean, what productive thing did you do today?”
She got it from her German Mom, she says, and now that she’s retired and not well, she has to spend a good deal of time not producing.
I thought of Mom Saturday when I slept till noon, got up, surfed the ‘net, took a nap, watched TV, read my book, painted my toenails, and watched Some Like It Hot from beginning to end. (Which, funny movie, no? You think you’ve seen it? No. You haven’t seen it beginning to end in one block. You’ve seen bits of it between shows and on the Academy Awards. It kills.)
I had a completely unproductive day.
I ignored my list of Stuff To Do.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
So today I took another day off. I took off because Gary, in an unprecedented move, got so sick he couldn’t go in to work. Usually he is at least healthy enough to whine “I neeeeed asssspirin. Where’s my sooooda? Ellen, I left my glasses in the other room, and now I’m in beeeeed…” So I schlep and carry and get verbally abused because there is an unwritten S______ law that if you are sick you get to be as big an ass as you can. (Oh. OH. And I go to Walgreen’s to get bendy straws. NOT the regular straws. BENDY straws. I’ll never forget that episode.)
Anyway, oddly, he slept all day and all I did was to transfer his laundry from the washer to the dryer. And slept. I’d wake up, he was asleep. So I slept, and maybe surfed a little, and thought, I can wear my blue pants tomorrow, those are clean. Why iron? And I think I like this unproductive life.
Mom called toward the end of the Wasted Day of Unproductivity. I thought it was because her Mom Senses could tell I was wasting my time, but after I hung up and turned on the TV I realized the Republican National Debate WAS ON AND SHE WAS CALLING TO CHECK IF I WAS DRUNK. Hah! Well, played, Queen Mother, well played.
13 responses to “In Which we Live the Life of Our Mom”
Isn’t it lovely when your mama knows you – the REAL you – so well?
The Queen Mum is quality.
Your grandmother is French. Gary’s people are German. Remember she sang the French national anthem to you? Would a Kraut know it?
Dear Queen Mother -Are you on crack? Are you a crack mom? Because was her name not DeW________? It was not LeW_________.
De = of in French. So she is “of the W_____s.”My mom called last night and said I sounded tired. I said I was tired. She wanted to know why. I asked if I needed a reason. She seemed to think I did. What the heck?
Well, it is about time you finally admit to being the slug I knew you to be. Still wondering when you’re going to come clean about your drug habit. My vote is its’ alcohol. Even the gracious Queen Mum calls to check on your sorry, lazy hind-end knowing you can’t make it through a political debate.
Have so seen “Some Like It Hot” all the way. In fact, I owned it on VHS, and bought it AGAIN on DVD just so I could lay propped up on pillows in bed with a soda, a cat, and cookies, and watch it from beginning to end!And in case you didn’t know, I’m a long time expert at the unproductive day — or, rather, recasting my day so I SOUND productive, but don’t have to do anything, as in “OH, today? I groomed the cats, and I made a mental list of what we need to do in the bedroom, and I found those shoes I misplace!” (aka, I pet the cats, I took a nap, and I sat down next to the bed to pet a cat and saw my shoes).It’s all in how you present it 😀
Well your mom would flip if she had me for a kid. I am nothing if not lazy on my days off. My job is rather physically demanding and I frequently get one day off in 7, doing a stretch of 3 on one off 3 on again and I get so tired by the end of that I tell anyone who thinks I should be more productive where they can kiss me.Having an overly clean house is bad for you, it promotes allergies. (Okay, that might be a bit of a stretch, but I can’t care.)
Yeah, but I am a lazy nurse, surely that would let the air out of her tires.BTW I am available for adoption.Is there family money?
Nope. Petey DeWolfe gambled and drank all our Huguenot money away.
Vaguely Urban — It is lovely. Lovely for ME. Not so great for Mom.
Autumn — Yes, she is. Quality people.
Caroline — Why didn’t you remind her you have a toddler?Troll — I really like the way you dodged the punctuation problem with its. So many people confuse the contraction of ‘it is’ with the personal pronoun ‘its’ and erroneously put an apostrophe after the s in the personal (albeit possessive) pronoun. YOU went with sticking the apostrophe AFTER the s, in effect not just confusing the two words but making an entirely new error! Go Troll!
Sherri — Ahh…so I watched a classic black and white movie, “pressed” my sheets, and did Gary’s laundry.
Zayrina — Oh, yeah, my post-polio Mom would just HATE having a nurse for a kid. All that assistance and medical knowledge? Do I sound as sarcastic as I intend to?
PooH. Well I am looking for rich parents this time, I am sure she will understand.
Now in MY life, this is called a “Jammie Day”… 🙂