Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: June 2007

  • Guest Post of the Week: Mac the Dog

    (Ellen says: The dog has been fidgety lately, so I decided to let him post.) Pleased to make your acquaintance. I am Mac the dog. Technically, I am McDonnell the dog (nee), but now that my cohort do this to a dog. I realize the article explains the dog liked being up on the car…

  • In Which We Discover We Are a Dirty Dirty Girl

    Yesterday, a co-worker was preparing baked beans for the company picnic. According to confirmed reports, her first step was to wash the can. Then she opened it, and everything else was pretty standard after that. I heard about this from a co-worker, who said he questioned her at the time and she said “I don’t…

  • Ewwwwwwwwwwwww

    Which is most disturbing: 1. Someone looked up “iron lung bondage” on Google. 2. They found my site. 3. They clicked the link to get to the cached version of my site. 4. My site was the 98th down on the list. They scrolled through 97 other spots looking for iron lung bondage before they…

  • Almost-Weekend Update

    Sex! Drugs! Rock and Roll! Sex! So, remember those shirts Gary bought for me at the mall, after he criticized a number of things that were indelicate about me, including my Mighty Mighty Boobage? His Mom looked at the photos from Chicago (yeah, the ones you didn’t see) and CRITICIZED MY CLEAVAGE. Yeah! Take that,…

  • Another Open Letter to My Husband

    Dear Husband – Okay, first of all, hi. You’re in the bathroom, right? Because I know that’s the only place you read my blog. Anyway, remember earlier today when I called you from my job because I was filling out a very important form for my Lives Are At Stake super-secret project? Not the forklift…

  • Stupid Job is Jerking Me Around!

    For the past six months I have been working on a training project that contains stimulating material such as this: To make the forklift raise the pallet up, press the UP button.To lower the pallet that is on the forklift, press the DOWN button.TRUE or FALSE: The UP button raises the pallet. (TRUE! If you…

  • It’s All About Who You Give The Spoon To

    Many thanks to Melissa for the Hello Kitty Psychological Test. Others took it before me and got low scores. I know I’m insensitive (my friends all tell me that), so I was not expecting this: About 120 percent Regardless of what happen, you will never forget to care about other. You must be really happy…

  • Semi-wrong Answer

    I got a phone message from the neurologist last night. “Mrs. S______, I’d like to discuss the result of your interferon neutralizing antibody test with you. I’ll call back Saturday or Monday.” On the one hand, we all know this is not the right message. The right message is “I’ve reviewed your test and everything…

  • Colin

    I need you to help me out here. I’m going to tell a tale that borders on the disgusting. I’m going to try to do it with some delicacy and grace. Here’s what I need you to do. Imagine my lower gastrointestinal tract is an annoying little boy. Named Colin. Pronounced just like the “Colin”…

  • Chicago: The Sights

    Chicago: The Sights

    Chicago. City of Big Shoulders. City That Only Takes a Nap every once in a while. We fled to Chicago just in time: the air conditioning in our house had been out for two days. It was out Monday and Tuesday while we were enjoying the luxury air conditioning at the hotel, as well. Yeah,…