Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: March 2007

  • Don’t Cry for Me

    An odd exchange happened (or in some ways, didn’t happen) this evening. First, I had spent part of the day at Mom’s. When I get home from Mom’s I am usually confronted by Bachelor Gary. Bachelor Gary has spent the day in his underwear sweatpants, eating all the food in the fridge that does not…

  • Everybody Leaves

    I am dismayed. Dismayed, I tell you! Sue, the woman who has styled my hair for twenty-five years, is leaving the biz. I like the way Sue does my hair. She guarantees my loyalty by telling me at least once a year that I have one of the top three most difficult heads of hair…

  • Alarming

    When I met Gary twenty five years ago, at some point I discovered his stash of broken digital alarm clocks. “What’s up with all these clocks?” “Oh they’re all broken. Cheap stupid clocks.” Soon after, another clock “broke,” which is to say Gary slept through the alarm. He immediately declared that the alarm had broken,…

  • Three

    Hi. Hi there. How ya doin’? Hi. It’s three. Three a.m., three to the a to the m. You know what rocks? Realizing you’re never going to sleep with this sinus headache, and taking a dose of Sudaphed, but thinking that it’s the same as aspirin so 2 pills = 1 dose. SO now you…

  • Oh, you crazy Germans!

    Oh, you crazy Germans!

    You wacky German boys have been so appreciative of my toes, you have elevated me (Little Ol’ Me) to the first, the very first hit on Google when you search for “Toe porn.” This is not to in any way show favoritism to any other nationality. I guess it’s the cold weather; you all are…

  • BBQueen

    The first time I had dinner with the in-laws, Wilma and I were chatting as she cleaned up. She returned the uneaten pickles to the pickle jar and said to me, sternly: “We don’t waste food.” I quickly thought, “Does she think I waste food? Did I waste any food tonight? Who wastes food?” Years…

  • Home Working

    I’m working from home this week. Since I have no kids and the dog sleeps all day, the only thing to tempt me away from work is daytime TV, because really, there are some episodes of Friends I’ve only seen twenty times. So, no temptations. For some reason, today, I’d work two hours then think:…

  • In Which I Reduce Our South American Debt by Eighty Dollars!

    First, hi to the people who just visited for the first time from the Ships and Dip Message Board. Prepare to be horrified, because this is probably the MOST OFFENSIVE POST I’ve ever submitted. I can’t help it, you came on a very offensive day. Really, if you choose to ignore any post this year,…

  • Life as A Bachelor

    I have found myself left alone at home with a night to myself. I planned to look at my refrigerator list of things to do and slap out as many of them as I could. Instead, I was overwhelmed with deja vu – I felt just like a kid the first time Mom and Dad…

  • Italian Food

    For quite some time Catherine the Red has taken me to various restaraunts on her rotating list of five favorite restaurants in the St. Louis area. Often I eat, and I think, “I don’t get it. Why does she like this place?” Finally I got it; I don’t like Italian food. This is heresy, because…