Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: January 2007

  • More On Gary

    Gary has a little girly gushy crush on Chris Matthews. I don’t get this. I understand why my husband gets breathless about charismatic celebrities. I completely understand his new girly crush on BNL and I can listen to him rhapsodize about how talented each individual member is and why. Some people have universal appeal. Ask…

  • Incestuous PandaJam

    Jeeez, I’ve only been playing the guitar for a year and a month and Gary finally consented to accompany me on the drums. There are good and bad points to this. The good: I imagine I played every note correctly. The bad: I have to rely on my imagination because HE PLAYED SO LOUDLY I…

  • Weekend Update 3

    First, an aside: It appears that Breathalyzer results notwithstanding, I was drunk at the Conservabration, evidenced by the fact that I went out and bought the Crossfade CD. Not only is it, as Tony the Late Tiger would say, Crrrrrrap!, it also has some type of Digital Rights Management setting that tries to install software…

  • In Which It Turns Out I Cannot Mock My Husband

    The in-laws and, sadly, Gary, have their own dialect. I don’t mean just calling soda “pop.” They have at least three terms exclusive to the tiny little region of Saint Louis called Gary’s Childhood Home: a. Noseblower. As in, “a gentlemen always carries a noseblower to offer a lady in tears” or “She dropped her…

  • Things I Learned at The Girl’s Night Out

    A few things I learned at the Conservabration: 1. When it comes to Graquel’s taste in music, I do not like Incubus but I went out and bought a Crossfade CD based on two songs she plugged into my head from her iPod. 2. Bourbon? A waste of time. I drank several ounces of fancy…

  • Oh. Man, I am Not Looking Forward to This

    A perfect storm of in-law crisis is brewing at the S_____ house this weekend. They have planned all of these activities for Saturday: 1. Niece birthday 2. Nephew birthday 3. Father-in-law birthday (because hey, we don’t have to spend money on Christmas for the kids, so we are loaded when January comes around) 4. Valentine’s…

  • What Does This Meany?

    What Does This Meany?

    If you were a book, what book would you be? The Book Quiz claims I would be this book: (From Five Dollar Camera) You’re A Prayer for Owen Meany! by John Irving Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and…

  • I am Stupid and I Have Bad Hair

    I was recently (for reasons that have been discussed at length) in the Caribbean. (Slap yourself if you just pronounced in Car-ri-BE-an. It’s Ca-RRIB-be-an. And extra points for rolling the Rs.) My hair loves the CaRRIBean. I don’t have good hair in the Northern Hemisphere. Every individual hair has its own interpretation of which way…

  • Ramen noodles? What are They?

    You know what a piece of crap my long-term memory is. That’s why I’m going to hedge this reminisce so that I don’t unjustly accuse any female relations of being classist. I distinctly remember being in the grocery store with a female relative. I was young, young enough that I could easily see things on…

  • I Swear to God I’ll Shut Up About the Cruise and Go Back to Mocking My In-Laws After This.

    I Swear to God I’ll Shut Up About the Cruise and Go Back to Mocking My In-Laws After This.

    Us as we flee from the Ice Storm. ROAD TRIP! First night in Nashville, visiting Elvis and Eric: Check out Gary the next night as he tried very hard to be disappointed in the Presidential suite, including: …the Presidential bed: …the Presidential flat screen: …the Presidential bar: … the Presidential shower: …the Presidential hot tub:…