These books are by my bed waiting to be read. No. Demanding to be read in that passive-aggressive way books have. “Oh, People Magazine tonight, I see.” “Oh, Marley and Me. Well. Sniff. At least it’s hard-bound.” So, perhaps if I make a list they’ll stop throwing THOSE ACCUSING GLANCES AT ME! Stop it!
So, here are the books I have placed on military detainee status:
Night – Elie Weisel. SEE? SEE? Shut UP Elie! I sent Marcia a L’Shona Tova card. Doesn’t that count for anything?
Letters of John Cheever, Letters of Sylvia Plath, Diary of Alice James. All dead. No rush.
The Time-Traveler’s Wife, which Gary cursed with a good review. He loves chick lit. (I’ve mentioned my girlfriend Gary, right?)
The Lovely Bones. I KNOW. Leave me alone. Turn away from me with those reproachful stares.
The Joy Luck Club. Hey, I was busy reading lit-rah-chuh when this book first came out.
Assassination Vacation, which is close enough to homework as I care to get.
Passages, which I DID read when I was in high school. If you really want to mess with a high school girl, have her read Passages. Or just say to her, “Hey, you think you have free will? Hah! Everything you do now is just a phase, to be followed by many more phases we have dictated for you in this book.”
The second half of the Gnostic Bible, which is a little too Tolkien for me. “And there be Bialsamaeth, the maker of the Lesser Earth.” Bless us, oh Lord (of the Rings).
And guess what I’m reading tonight? The Best and Worst of Saint Louis edition of the Riverfront Times . Just to relieve the pressure.
6 responses to “Guilt-Edged Books”
Are you trying to get suicidally depressed? No? Then put down the John Cheever and no one will get hurt. The HAZMAT team is on their way right now to deal with the Sylvia Plath.Honestly, don’t read those books and don’t feel guilty about not reading them and if you even THINK of going to the Nicole Kidman movie about Diane Arbus, I will personally come to St. Louis and kick your butt all the way to the Arch and back.
I’m gloriously traipsing through Chaucer right now.Wait…did I spell ‘traipsing’ correctly?How about ‘Chaucer’?Okay, I’ll drop the act, I totally just got done reading Pledged, a Secret Look in Sororities.
I’ve got Time Traveler’s Wife on my nightstand, too! and White Teeth. I mostly only read on planes these days (work, waaaaah), and I’m so embarassed that I haven’t read them yet that I can’t bring myself to take them out in public.Note to self: stop giving a shit about what other passengers probably wouldn’t care enough to think about.
I always buy a People Magazine at the Airport, read it on the plane, and leave it in the seat back for the next occupant. See? See how I’m establishing my continued survival? The plane won’t crash because they’d lose the free People. And the two of you realize I now have to pick up White Teeth and Pledged.
I’m a People leaver, too. I never thought of it as flight insurance before, but you can bet I’ll never fly without it again.Pledged, huh? I’m guessing that I’ll like that since I liked the Nanny Diaries. I read for guilty pleasure, not guilt.
a) Yes, the card was very sweet. Even the little creature who had to take a pee. (P.S. Hallmark is getting a sternly worded letter about the dreadful lack of Jewish New Year e-cards. Oy, the Jewy, Jewy things that could be done with them!)b) YOU HAVEN’T READ “NIGHT” YET?? It’s like 20 pages long, for chrissakes! Read it, slacker.