I’ve been reading these posts on people’s reactions to bad news, like here. People I know keep getting bad news. For example, a friend of a friend just had a doctor encourage her with the words “if we can’t stop this swelling, you will die in four to six months.”
Now today I found out another friend just got some bad news about a relapse of cancer.
I never, ever know what to say. I only know what encourages me when I get frightening news. Unfortunately, what works for me is a sharp talking-to, and you can’t throw that at someone who just revealed their own bad news.
My own bad news always frightens me. I’m either afraid because a) I don’t know what’s going to happen or b) I’m afraid because I know the worst is going to happen.
So, depending on my mood I put one of two dialogs in my head:
1) You are pathetic. Whining to yourself that you don’t know what’s going to happen! You and the rest of the world. No one knows what’s going to happen. Whiner. (Disgusted snort.)
This makes me try defend myself. I think, “Well, I know what might happen, and that’s pretty bad.” This launches track #2:
2) Oh, so you think you know what’s going to happen? Idiot! You don’t know what’s going to happen. Did you see this bit of bad news coming? Huh? No, you didn’t. Don’t walk around acting like you know what’s going to happen. Since when are you psychic?
This usually sends me back to #1 (Me: “The future is scary!” Voice In My Head: “Whiner! We should all be scared, then.”) It only takes a few iterations of the loop to bore me and I think, “where’s some coffee?” And yeah, I just typed “iterations of the loop.”
This is why I never know what to say.