Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: The Great Hall of TMI – Must be 18 to enter!

  • Rough

    It’s Sex Week here on the old blog. Yet another post about my current preoccupation. And really, I’m sorry. Because this time it’s about porn. I think we all know the tradeoff between frequency and speed when it comes to a person’s alone time. Now that I’m only giving myself mere hours of recovery time…

  • Increasingly Increasing

    Since Monday’s post, in which I detailed my suffering under the invisible leash that Satan has tethered to my pelvis, things have become worse. One day my new twice-a-day habit failed to satisfy, and I bumped it up to thrice, and even so, I woke up from a bonus sex dream afterward. (It involved a…

  • Increase

    I am documenting here a change in the symptoms I have suffered as of late, so that later when I am diagnosed with a brain tumor I can point back to this post as the early signs of deterioration. My appetites have now spread from my upper abdomen to my lower, specifically the region from…

  • High Maintenance Spunky

    Spunky Labia, International Toe Porn Superstar, had complaints. “Appendage!” she cried, “You have not serviced me with a foot peel since before the pandemic!“ “You didn’t seem to need one.” I answered. “I AM HIDEOUS.” “Oh, all right. We still have two of them.” I applied a foot peel and followed all the directions. A…

  • Cats In the Night

    It was dark, and I was in the closet looking for my sweatpants, and when I realized my pink sweatpants looked just like my grey sweatpants, I thought, “At night, all pants are grey.” And then, “What is that from? Oh, ‘At night, all cats are grey.’ But … what is that from?” And then,…

  • Spunky Mourns Her Fallen Star

    There was a time, sixteen years ago, when Spunky Labia, International Toe Porn Superstar, came into this world when I looked at my Google searches and discovered a fair number of men from foreign countries got here searching for “toe porn”. I visited my Google searches recently and was curious to see what my lowest…

  • Tucks

    My crotch affliction is back AGAIN. The lower parts have definitely thinned and rusted to the degree that they are just intermittently tender, sore, and a touch … gory. I have eschewed the rough toilet paper and tried all the creams and unguents in the house. I even tried the Monistat 7, which took me…

  • Lady Garden Blight Returns

    My affliction is back, despite a respite of almost half a decade. The labia is again weeping blood from the outside, not the inside. (See here. In fact you should see here, because that post-menopausal post from five years ago sums up my attitude today.) Since my reproductive hormones have utterly shut down now, I…

  • First

    My great grandmother was the first person killed by an automobile in Marion Ohio. And so it began: technology tasted blood, and our blood was the tastiest. Technology has not killed me, but I think I am the first person … well, on my block at least … to develop a remote-controlled bladder infection. And,…

  • Friday Freakout: The Last One?

    No episode of hysteria for a month. The psychiatrist did call me back Monday and left an incomprensible ten second message. It was background noise and the end of a conversation he had with someone else. I called back, didn’t reach him, and didn’t leave a message. Gary was as trying as he could be…