Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: The Great Hall of TMI – Must be 18 to enter!

  • So Not Fair

    Have you seen this commercial? She had eight UTIs in one year? Other people might say, “Dude, get off of her.” Whereas I say, “Girl! You had sex eight times in one year? Jealous.” And now that this pelvic floor tension has led to a cruel coupling of reduced capacity and heightened interest, I have…

  • Birthday Week 2023

    In about a week I will have my 61st birthday. Many people do not know this, but at 61 years a women’s images are automatically withdrawn from any spank banks where even a partial memory might be stored. (Not Spunky’s image, though. Spunky is immortal, like Sophia Loren and Cher. If you have a mental…

  • Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Man: Over?

    I have not fluttered for three straight days. Can it be over? Have the spasms been quelled? I don’t feel the constant pulse anymore. Now it’s an intermittent pulse. I am still unable to concentrate. Distraction was the first symptom to appear, so I suppose it’s the last to go. The question, I suppose, will…

  • Revenge

    By process of elimination, the big love language over here is Acts of Service, and I cashed in an Acts of Service card the other day. Gary was in my room and I asked him to get my earbuds out of the table by the bed. I could have done it, but I would have…

  • Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Man: Perspective Edition

    As you know, I am settling down just a little, in that one day in three is normal. On that day in three, men are mere men. Then for two days Satan occupies my lower torso, and every man looks as good as President Macron to me. You know who else looks good to me…

  • Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Man: Toy Review

    Sex toy review. Because we haven’t done that for a while. So with this new increase in activity I was genuinely concerned about damaging my favorite body part. Worried I was wearing it down from a nub into a nothing. That’s why I decided to try this Puff device, which employs a pull technique instead…

  • Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Man: Porn Twin

    Porn (ethically-sourced, consensual and lord-so-out-of-character porn) seems to have odd effects on me. If it isn’t making me sleepy from the repetition, it makes me nostalgic. “I remember that,” I think, “I remember doing that back in the day.” I began to notice that one particular male porn star made me … extra nostalgic. “What…

  • Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Man: Freaky Friday Sunday

    I am sorry to keep going on about this, but I feel obliged to share my experience now that I am living the plot of Freaky Friday. Only I’m not swapping bodies with my mom, but with the horniest 20 year old guy who ever horned. (You know, any time I thought of people with…

  • Urologist Visit

    I have been to this urologist before, in 2011, and the tests were rigorous waterboarding tests in which I was pumped full of fluids and asked to Kegel as if my life depended on it. I did some quick Kegels out in the parking lot, just to warm up, and went in ready for the…

  • TWIL: What it’s Like

    Gary didn’t feel I should tell the urologist about my amped-up sex drive, but I thought it was germane. That’s how I presented it to the doctor. “So, since I made the appointment, I have a new symptom. Stop me if it’s not germane, but …” And then I looked him in the eye, but…