Category: Miscellaneous Mockery

It’s been a long time since I brought a painting into Photoshop to see where things went wrong. That was what I painted. I’m not going to perfect it because frankly, my mistakes were grotesque. That dog — compared to the original – looks as if he were hit by radiation. He’s doubled in size.…

When Senator Lindsey Graham died suddenly this morning I turned on the news to check if there was a breach in Senator McConnell’s news blockade, because if both of the President’s right-hand men die in short succession then the opponents on the left will get the side-eye. That was a dizzying string of words, and…

I didn’t want to watch this, as you know, but Gary did, and I didn’t want to leave Gary alone all day because that would have been a full week of spending no free time with him at all. I figured I would stage a mild protest if it got too creepy. We’re on episode…

I was choosing what to work on next, and I found several things that were such a loss that they weren’t worth even trying to reclaim (the cenote, the clouds). I also found things that I think I would fail at again (Gary’s tongue, my Grandmother). So I found one thing to fix where the…

The last two years I planted hyacinth beans at the feet of the arbor. Year one, it looked great. Year two: I did not cull anything and my attempts to attach the vines to the arbor failed. “We’ll show you what lazy looks like, lazy woman,” and they just flopped on the ground. This year…

I needed some thread to tweak the belt loops on a grey pair of pants. Grey has all the primary colors mixed in, so that means three variables instead of two, so it’s harder to match the color. I looked for a thread in Grandceil’s cunning sewing cabinet that I believe my step-grandfather built from…

I know everyone has probably already seen The Sheep Detectives, but if you have not, you should. It’s a sweet, gentle movie about sheep trauma. And … justice. It’s a little distracting when one is compelled to work out the nearly-familiar famous actor’s voices with the sheep they play, so I would recommend scanning the…

Beef tallow is a conservative dog-whistle! Who knew? One of the delights of our trip to England in 1994 was that the London MacDonald’s served Hot Apple pies deep fried in beef tallow, even after the U.S. McDonald’s had switched to pitiful smooth baked pies without the bubbly crust. Everyone seemed to abandon tallow in…

I find myself again in the triple-witching month when the six-month doctor’s visits coincide with the yearly doctor’s visits and I see multiple specialists in a short period of time. It’s worse if I count in Gary’s doctor visits. Wednesday was a double-visit day. The dentist let me know my teeth were not perfectly straight,…