Category: In Which We Mock Ourselves

The first time I had dinner with the in-laws, Wilma and I were chatting as she cleaned up. She returned the uneaten pickles to the pickle jar and said to me, sternly: “We don’t waste food.” I quickly thought, “Does she think I waste food? Did I waste any food tonight? Who wastes food?” Years…

I’m working from home this week. Since I have no kids and the dog sleeps all day, the only thing to tempt me away from work is daytime TV, because really, there are some episodes of Friends I’ve only seen twenty times. So, no temptations. For some reason, today, I’d work two hours then think:…

For quite some time Catherine the Red has taken me to various restaraunts on her rotating list of five favorite restaurants in the St. Louis area. Often I eat, and I think, “I don’t get it. Why does she like this place?” Finally I got it; I don’t like Italian food. This is heresy, because…

I had a post for you today. In fact I had 6 (six!) all ready to go. It was a series. And, as it turns out, I have been gagged. Gagged for a good reason, but still gagged. So now I feel I must make up for this semi-self-censorship by telling you number Seven in…

I’m checking out my site visitors. First, it appears the semester has started and many students are dipping their toes into J. D. Salinger, based on the Google searches. Seymour’s a PEDOPHILE, children. There you go. A-pluses all around. Who searched for pudenda photo? Watch that onanism. Too much onanism will make you go blind.…

I have stuffed my ever-spreading Midwestern ass into my Levis, pulled on my concert-goin’ sweater, and my fabulously well-matched concert-going shoes. I encouraged my hair to curl. I put on foundation and lipstick. I am going to the Guster concert. I plan to have fun. Screw you, music marketers, you and all your demographics. On…

It appears that Becs, not satisfied with this list beginning with 10 (ten! TEN!) things you don’t know about me, is looking for six weird things. 1. I had a very bad sunburn in high school, and as it healed I peeled off a 6×10 section of skin. I tacked it up on my bulletin…

A few days ago, I said to Gary, “It’s so great! They took away the tree and all we have left is tree detrius. ” (pronounced “Deh-tree-us”) His eyes widened. He gasped, and crowed, “Do you mean “DeTRITus?”I scoffed, “There is no such word.” Yeah, well, shut up. He was right and I was wrong.…

Well, while waiting for Middlesex (snicker – I just capitalized it MiddleSex) to be pitched on my doorstep as does not befit a Pulitzer-prize-winning novel, I looked for another book. I read the prologue to The Time Traveler’s Wife. And then the first few pages of a chapter. “Well, this didn’t win a Pulitzer,” I…