Category: In Which We Mock Our Husband

My word, thirty-seven years. It’s just sheer stubbornness now. What have I learned in that time? I’ve learned the care and maintenance of Gary. *No, really, there’s a footstool I pull up by his chair. It’s pretty easy, now that I’ve got the hang of it. It keeps me out of trouble: I don’t want…

So far I’ve avoided any affects of the recent shortages. There was a shortage of baby formula, and while I was sympathetic, that didn’t affect me. Now I read there’s a shortage of tampons. That will affect not only pre-menopausal woman but everyone with upholstery. The gasoline crunch is so significant that Gary said, “I…

Gary installed some electronic device that sparked, and after that it went in the trash and all our devices needed to be reconfigured. Gary, who is Mr. Technology, did not want to synch his bedroom light to the Alexa again and I swear he reverted to 40 year old technology.

I have a question. Gary was expressing something about the doctor’s waiting room. He said that when he’s been there, “Everyones not masked.” So if he goes in to the waiting room and he is the tenth person there, how many people (other than Gary) are wearing a mask? Update ========= I interpreted his statement…

About thirty-seven years ago I mentioned to Gary that putting the trash at the curb is the man’s job. He disagreed. I thought he might embrace the trash after retirement, but that was … what? Almost a decade ago? After patiently waiting a decade, I find that last month Gary became TrashMan. He routinely goes…

Gary and I have been squabbling like mad. Some decisions need to be made in the house, and his decision-making process is this: Stage 1: Ellen, what do you think of X? (I fall into the trap.) Stage 2: No, Ellen, you are wrong and stupid, and here is why. Stage 3: Repeat Stage 2…

I was complaining to Gary that recent Covid developments are going to make it so I can’t go to the opera. “At least not this year,” I sighed. “Maybe ever.” “Don’t be stupid,” he said, sympathetically, “Just sit in a booth by yourself.” “A booth?” “Yes. One of those booths they have. And don’t share…

We keep magazines in the bathroom: there’s a chrome bucket that holds old issues of the AARP magazine and Rolling Stone. A few years ago I noticed that Gary kept putting one issue of Rolling Stone back in the bucket so you couldn’t see the cover. I’d see the back cover instead of these pretty…

Encouraged by the short-lived success of the Gulag Diet and the Six-Bite Diet, Gary has invented another diet: the Caesar Diet. Every few days he makes a gallon of Caesar salad and gnaws on that when he feels hungry. Hungry at breakfast? Eat some salad. Hungry at midnight? Eat some salad. “Healthy salad!” Gary says.…

It was last June when Gary began the process to get his pension. He hasn’t worked there for decades, so it wasn’t a turnkey operation, plus the company was sold to another major aeronautical company late in his tenure. So he somehow had two pensions, and that complicated things. Plus, he wants it dispensed as…