Category: In Which We Mock Our Husband

Gary is miserable with this skin condition. He can’t regulate his temperature, it itches, it burns, it bleeds, he hurts on the outside and aches on the inside. And because he expresses himself, he wakes up and makes noise. A symphony of moaning and muttering. And then often groaning. Usually I wake up and call…

Gary has been dutifully experimenting with his histamine diet. He’s reported some improvements. He was checking to see if white sugar triggered his sores, so he switched to coconut sugar. This is coconut sugar.

I was threatening Gary with a really bad haircut, and when he said he could do it himself, I scoffed. “No, really,” he said, “I am very good at fine detail work like that. One of my biology professors was so impressed with the precision I used to kill my lab specimens that she offered…

Now that he has lopped off his ponytail, Gary has purchased these hair styling implements for me. And why do I get to play hair stylist? Gary feels no one else will want to touch him because he does have these unsightly scales all over. His plan is for me to take him out on…

Gary realized he only has skin sores where he has hair. While his fundamental problem is still histamine, he decided his skin problem is actually a histamine problem plus a hair problem. And then, this. HE LOPPED OFF HIS HAIR. I truly gasped. I’m waiting for him to complain about fatigue again so I can…

Gary got tired of me moping back into the house after not seeing the Northern Lights, and not seeing the comet, and not seeing the meteor shower, and decided I need a telescope. It might not do any good for the things I missed but at least I could look at planets with reliable set…

I love this MyChart application that lets you keep track of medical appointments, vaccines, lab results, especially now there’s a new feature where you get to see the communications behind the scenes. For example, the neurologist saw Gary’s skin and ordered some blood cell tests. That test came back normal as I was waiting in…

Here is what I did this weekend: I helped my seventy-year-old husband apply for social security. It made me wonder, before computers, how did they discourage the elderly from applying for social security? Did they put the social security offices on the 10th floor and disable the elevators? Because the computer application is hard, and…

Gary is still coming off the steroids, and he’s having trouble regulating his temperature. Yesterday he said, “I think it’s time to shave off all my hair.” He’s been growing his hair all through the pandemic. It’s below his nipples now. Yes! I thought. Oh God yes please. He added, “I can use my beard…

I have to say, I’m pretty easy-going about Gary. My spouse gets up to all kinds of nonsense that other wives would not tolerate. But there is one thing he does now that is making me insane. It’s the way he eats cornflakes. Up to now he has been loyal to Raisin Bran. But in…