You may have seen this entry. This new director’s cut entry has parts 1 and 2. I might throw in a dividing line between the two.
Oh, and I thought AI doesn’t know anything about recent events. Looks like the Google AI is up to speed.
Gary began having leg cramps at night. He deduced it was from a lack of potassium, especially after noticed his Propel drink only provides 2% of the potassium you need, so he decided to boost his potassium levels by drinking some coconut water.
I said, “Gary, have you tried coconut water? Do you think it tastes like a Mounds bar? It does not.”
“I’M SURE IT WILL BE FINE.”
It arrived, and he took a swig. “SEE, IT IS FINE, I TOLD YOU SO.”
Swig 2: “YEAH, I CAN DRINK THIS.”
Swig 3: [silence]
Swig 4: “THIS STUFF TASTES LIKE URINE.”
He doctored it with some of that Mio flavor enhancer. “NOW IT’S ORANGE-VANILLA FLAVORED URINE.”
I suggested he dilute the coconut water with the Propel. This was a success. “THE ORANGE-VANILLA-BERRY-COCONUT WATER TASTES FINE NOW, PLUS IT HAS ELECTROLYTES.”
Part 2
You may not realize this is Gary’s writing, because it is not in ALL CAPS, but I assure you this is his current opinion on a new brand of coconut water.
“I have finally found a coconut water that does not taste like urine.
I just assumed that they are supposed to taste like urine because every one that I tried which were rated best tasting did. Adding flavoring simply made them taste like orange urine.
So I took one last shot at Once Upon a Coconut mainly for the clever name but also because it was chocolate flavored with no dairy and in a can. I think even urine tastes better chilled and from a can.
So far, the bitter edge of dark chocolate and the cold metal mouth feel has defeated the urine flavor altogether.
I think that all organic drinks are fresher in glass, plastic or metal over the ever popular paper cartons which I detest. I believe that the urine flavor is the taste of rotting coconut.
If my stomach and skin do not reject the drink, I think that I have a winner and am on my way to filling out my need for Pottasium. Every can has 8% of my daily needs. If I start eating raw spinach leaves those two should make me feel better. Then I just have to find a source of magnesium.
[passage of time]
I have consumed about a half a can and my stomach doesn’t like it but if I pour in some apple juice, I might be able to choke it down.
[more time passes]
I think I might be okay. Ellen might be right. It does taste like a Mounds bar.”
[a day goes by]
I hear Gary roar, “THIS COCONUT WATER HAS COCONUT IN IT! REAL COCONUT FIBERS! I CAN’T DRINK THAT MUCH FIBER!”
So coconut water is in the trash now. I mean, I’m not drinking it: that stuff is vile.