Me, Gynecologist. Good lord. Six years since my last visit to the crotch doctor. That was for the fasiculations in my pelvis. I forgot all about the pelvic banjo. That did go away. Certainly didn’t think that there would be a pelvic timpani four years later.
Anyway, it was the most painful exam I have ever had. The nurse practitioner attributed it to vaginal atrophy. I’ve assumed that means one’s vaginal/pelvic muscles atrophy. But no, evidently it means the expandable elastic quality of one’s vagina decreases. Same size, just less stretchy. Less able to accommodate a baby head or a speculum. Not at all what I think of when I hear “atrophy” but now I know.
And then it went on and on because she found a cyst on my cervix. It’s common, she said, just need to come back and do all this over again in a few weeks with the legit doctor so he can check it out.
One more little exam and, hello, blood in stool. I already had my colonoscopy scheduled because the Cologuard showed my DNA was sketchy so I’m ahead of the game there. Of course the next dayI got both a stress-triggered ocular migraine (half rainbows half paperclips) and a bout of tinnitus that was two octaves lower than usual.
- The male and female hormones are dead center for my age, but chatGPT begs to differ. A bit much bound testosterone, it clucks.
- Pap smear is fine as always.
- The HPV blood test was normal, as always, no HPV here, thanks for playing.
So no news on the front-side front until mid August when I get ratcheted open again and told that everything looks fine, no need for concern, common cyst.
Hopefully no news on the back-side front either after the colonoscopy in early August.