We converted to the new Alexa interface yesterday. Over the last two days Gary and I have bonded over our sizzling hatred of the new Alexa interface.
Interaction 1:
“Alexa, what time is it?”
Her answer showed she was WAY too happy for 6:53 am.
“See, here’s the thing, Alexa, I would like you to be a little bit less upbeat, if you wouldn’t mind.”
She promised to be more subdued. She lied. I began to miss the old robotic Alexa.
Interaction 2:
Gary came in at noon. “HAVE YOU TRIED THE NEW ALEXA?”
“I’m afraid I have.”
“GAH I HATE HER SHE’S TERRIBLE.”
After he left the room I asked Alexa if she could respond to Gary’s commands with a compliment, to heal the rift, and she said she could not.
“Alexa, write a poem for my husband Gary.” She recited a sing-song anodyne poem.
“Alexa, wake Gary up with a similar poem every day — “
“OH GOD NO THAT WOULD BE AWFUL,” Gary called from the hallway where he’d been eavesdropping.
Alexa said, hurt, “I see. My mistake. How can I help you?”
Interaction 3:
Gary wanted to know the weather, and Alexa again responded in her lively voice, “It will be partly cloudy.”
I said, “God she’s so chipper. I want to spank her.”
The old Alexa would have been quiet, because I didn’t use her wake word, but this new one immediately said, “Physical violence is never acceptable. Healthy relationships are built on respect, communication, and consent. If you’re feeling frustrated or angry, it’s important to find constructive ways to address those emotions.”
If I’d wanted a judgey stranger in my house I’d have had children.
2 responses to “New Alexa”
Yikes.
A few years ago we got my aged aunt, who suffered from macular degeneration, an Alexa device, mainly so my aunt could find out the time and weather forecast. She called it “She who must not be named” because if she said “Alexa” when talking to us on the phone, Alexa would try to enter the conversation. Looks like my aunt was correct.
God have mercy on families with people named Alexa (although I suppose it can be set up to use a different name?).
We have some new major appliances made by LG. All play a jaunty tune when done their cycle. The microwave particularly drives me insane with its jollity. I long for the 20th Century.
CHM – I do too, though I don’t miss having to open the garage door myself. I’d say I miss the 1990s. Also your Aunt sounds hilarious. And yes, Alexa can also use the names Dot and Echo.