Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: November 2023

  • Weekly Paint Progress: 11/30/2023

    This week the mandolin went from this: … to this. That vase is too asymmetric.

  • Give Me All the Penicillin

    Well, Mom-in-my-head, it could be that all your concern about penicillin was for naught. The first test, the blood test, came back negative. The Centers for Disease Control sort of agree with the first allergist’s claim that you can be “allergic one day and not the next,” if you rephrase it as “allergic one decade…

  • Deception Level

    Even though I have the medical exemption and I won’t have to come to the office, there will be some occasions when my attendance is required. One of those is in a little over a month. Have I begun planning my outfit? Of course I have. Makeup? It’s complicated. The last time my coworkers saw…

  • Yet Another Special Post from Goldie the Cat

    I want to report some cat abuse. I have been very content to eat the brand of moist cat food with which I am most familiar. Now they have switched my food to some high-protein New Zealand brand. For some reason the Teatless One — autocorrect just suggested Twatless One, heh– Teatless gave me some…

  • TWIL: Cats Need Mouse Bones

    Gary came in all excited. “CATS NEED PROTEIN AND THEY RECOMMEND YOU FEED THEM GROUND-UP MOUSE BONES.” I wasn’t sure who “they” were in this sentence. EXPERTS, he said. “Why wouldn’t we just feed him mice,” I asked. “Get a mouse from PetSmart, like the ones they feed to snakes, then put it in the…

  • Review: Mike Birbiglia, The Old Man and the Pool

    I was delighted to see a new Mike Birbiglia special on Netflix last night. I love what he does: making fun of his sleep issues in Sleepwalk with Me, his love life in My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend, and babies in The New One. Also, I believe he’s married to someone from Saint Louis, and he gets…

  • A Very Special Guest Post from Goldie the Cat

    First of all, don’t expect much because writing this post is cutting into my sleep time. I got no sleep yesterday because the One With Teats was making turkey WHICH I DID NOT GET and then No Teats was watching a loud football game. I got my revenge at two in the morning when I…

  • Weekly Paint Progress: 11/23/2023

    This week the Less Basic Shapes went from this: … to exactly the same, because I have been painting bathroom walls, not mandolins. Both bathrooms are done. The virgin bathroom is elegant or boring, depending on my mood, and it took two days to get the primer and beige on one and then two days…

  • Review of New Toy: Vibrator

    I looked in the Amazon delivery queue and saw Gary bought me a surprise gift. FLAPPING G SPOT VIBRATOR FOR WOMEN “LAYLA” ADULT RABBIT SEX TOYS WITH 9 FLAPPING MODES 4 TICKLING MODES WATERPROOF CLITORALIS [sic] STIMULATOR FOR CLIT (sure) NIPPLE (‘kay) ANAL (nope) STIMULATION RECHARGEABLE ADULT SEX TOYS And then I looked at the…

  • Review of New Toy: Tire Inflator

    My Mini Cooper is very in touch with its body, especially the tires. If the tires are not at optimal pressure, I get a message, then I have to squat at the free air dispenser, and play with the pressure gauge, and lose the valve caps, and I hate it. So I got a handy…